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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 16:25:36
Maybe some of you here know that I focus on your problems to deflect feeling my own, maybe U can 'feel' that about me;
But pls know it is not out of selfishness. It is out of my own fear of my own problems. I don't gossip, wish no ill come to any of you, and importantly, 'don't thrive on your problems' consciously.
Lately I've felt a lot of emotional and physical pain. (But, I've got benzos. W/o them I'd be very likely to stumble into a black hole about now.) I feel completely forgotten and alone IRL. I miss my father to tears. I have bad thoughts about my mother. I don't leave the house becuz (and this is off the wall) I don't feel 'the IRL world' deserves my presence. Where that thought comes from ... I don't get 4sure. Peeps say love yourself and others will. But, I say, 'I do'. Still not much IRL seems to be presenting itself to me. Maybe I want too much.
I have s-ideation thoughts every day, but no intent. These thoughts are beginning to worry me. (Although, w/ a benzo at my disposal, I can control where my mind will go).
When one thinks so often of this, it might be likely could end up in the black hole.
I don't know how bipolars manage w/o benzos.
OMG, it's thunder. I can't believe it; was praying for rain. Rain comforts me so. Oh, and now I can smell it. Ummm.
goodnite,love, cf
Posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2006, at 21:23:51
In reply to I'm Worried :( trigger, posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 16:25:36
Cora are you okay? It's early where you are. Love Phillipa
Posted by corafree on October 6, 2006, at 13:35:41
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger » corafree, posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2006, at 21:23:51
No Phillipa, I'm really really NOT okay. Thank you for asking!
I've been 'acting as if' I was okay and almost convincing myself. But, I had the feeling my friends here 'could see otherwise', and if they did, they were right. Were you, or anyone?
Too many losses. Think prob' need go back on an AD, I guess Effexor-XR was the best of all I've been on. It always takes some initial adjusting to it tho', and each time I've been on it, it has worked a little differently. But, of all tried, I'd have to say it was the best at keep my emotions and anxiety under control. Think I may need a break for my emotions. Becoming overwhelmed and feeling lost and feeling like a failure.
P here very difficult to even reach. Could take a couple wks just to get an emergency appt.
I've been focusing on anything or anyone as a diversion for what I'm feeling, which isn't bad, but I think 'my emotions' are breaking through and rising to the surface, and are just too much to handle right now. I'm so bitterly lonely here and there's no way out of my living situation. I've tried.
I just didn't want to 'complain' or 'need' or 'be rescued', as I feel like I've used up all my 'get out of jail free cards' here on the site.
I feel selfish to ask for help again and again.
I just realized yesterday I've been w/ PB for 6yrs. I couldn't believe it! Doesn't that say something is really wrong w/ me? I'm sorry if that offends anyone. Shouldn't I be giving by now, instead of always taking?
stuck, cf
Posted by Phillipa on October 6, 2006, at 20:15:04
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger » corafree, posted by Phillipa on October 5, 2006, at 21:23:51
I still say you need a pdoc to start you back on a med. He may want to try something new? Love Phillipa
Posted by Jost on October 6, 2006, at 23:15:34
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger » Phillipa, posted by corafree on October 6, 2006, at 13:35:41
Cf, by all means, if there's an AD that helps, consider going back onto it.
Those thoughts aren't good, mostly suck life and energy from you. I was having a few myself this week-- but I cut it short, because it really just doesn't help, at all.
I'm sorry it's hard going-- maybe ADs are part of taking care of yourself now.
Jost
Posted by corafree on October 7, 2006, at 14:11:06
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger » corafree, posted by Jost on October 6, 2006, at 23:15:34
Too much 'pain', in different forms, hitting me from all angles. Yes, you're both right, and I was thinking the same thing, time for help.
Called Ps office and he returned my call.
Told him I had 75mg Ef*exor-XR, about 15, from June. I asked if I could begin 75mg. He said yes, right now. Told him I always had to take '2 a day, rather than 1', that by late afternoon I could feel it leaving my body.
BTW, I've never had trouble d.c.'ing this AD or had bad side effects. It's been 'the best' AD I've ever taken, and I've taken a lot. My reasons for d.c.'ing it in past were ... things had settled down and were more comfortable in life, -or-, I could deal better.
I believe when this happens, we should give our bodies a rest from the AD, especially an AD that I feel is as controversial as the big E! I posted about this a long time ago.
Well, body recognized the drug 'immediately'!
About an hour after took 75mg, could feel my body screaming, 'THAT'S NOT ENOUGH OF THAT STUFF!!', like an alcoholic or drug abuser sorta' thing.
Took 150mg and began to feel better right away.
Is it just 'in my head'? I dunno'. Will have to get out of the house, converse w/ peeps, and will know 4sure then.
Thanks for your help friends.
As all ways, cf
Posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2006, at 5:20:01
In reply to I'm Worried :( trigger, posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 16:25:36
Hey Sweetie.
> Maybe some of you here know that I focus on your problems to deflect feeling my own, maybe U can 'feel' that about me But pls know it is not out of selfishness. It is out of my own fear of my own problems. I don't gossip, wish no ill come to any of you, and importantly, 'don't thrive on your problems' consciously.
I hope this isn't in response to our conversation further up the board. I should say that I DON'T think you are selfish or a gossip or thriving on anyone elses problems or anything like that. Really. Acutally... I don't think anybody here does that. I just... Was dealing with my own crap really. I'm really very sorry that I wasn't clearer about that.
I hope... You feel better soon.
Would you like some more coffee? I got some yesterday. It isn't too bad.
DO you think it should be kept in the fridge or not? I've transferred it to an airtight container but I"m never sure of frigde vs freezer vs bench.
Or... you could have some wine...
I'm drinking... I'll see if they have a website...
http://www.yalumba.com/vintage.asp?p=154&b=66&l=239&v=1738
Not too bad...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2006, at 5:21:13
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger, posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2006, at 5:20:01
Oh. I just realised I should have stored it lol.
I just wanted a screw top so I didn't have to hunt down a corkscrew...
Posted by corafree on October 10, 2006, at 16:59:46
In reply to Re: I'm Worried :( trigger, posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2006, at 5:20:01
OMG .. just deleted my entire reply 2U and I hate it when that .. blah blah blahs!
No A, .. Not U, .. Me, feelin' needy and lost.
Tks 4 wine hookup. Called all over for Bar*foot 'beach' white zin this weekend; can't find.
Just brewed Frang*lica and will have a sip 4U.
love, cf
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