Psycho-Babble Social Thread 417200

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself

Posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17

I am so overwhelmed with how much I hate myself right now. All I can do is sleep all day and eat. I just can't believe I am so unmotivated to do anything. I am not working, not on disability, can't find a job and am having a hard time even looking. I have no money coming in and am just borrowing and begging money to live off of. Everything feels so crappy. I feel like I am failing at my life. I know that I am clearly in a depression and I am hoping the medication will kick in soon and give me some relief so I can function but I feel like such a loser. I feel like I should be doing more and wanting more and able to accomplish more. But all I want to do is hide in my closet and sleep and not exist. I don't want to die forever - just temporarily - until I don't have to feel this way anymore. And I am so afraid that I will always feel this way or, as per the usual, I will cycle out of this depression, have a high phase and then crash again. I always end up back here. I am so tired. I'm 31 and too old to keep failing at my life. I need to get it together and have a career and a family and some financial stability. I hate myself. I am so tired of this and everyone I know is tired of me. Today is a sucky day and I have no hope for a better one.

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik

Posted by MKB on November 17, 2004, at 20:58:20

In reply to Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself, posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17

Are you taking any medications right now?

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » MKB

Posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 23:18:57

In reply to Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik, posted by MKB on November 17, 2004, at 20:58:20

Yes, I am taking Topamax (which I have been on since January), Lamictal (which I started about 3 weeks ago and have only gotten to 50mgs) and Lexapro (10 mgs, which I just started last week.) I am just praying that the combination of drugs works and soon. I don't know how I can much more of this I can handle.

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik

Posted by MKB on November 17, 2004, at 23:36:26

In reply to Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » MKB, posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 23:18:57

I don't have any experience with these medications, but I have taken others in the past that made me want to sleep too much. I eventually stopped taking them and/or changed to something else. I do hope you are seeing a psychiatrist who can listen to your concerns and make some adjustments in your medications.

You may find something helpful at www.healthrecovery.com. I started taking L-Tryptophan for my depression and anxiety and find it works beautifully. However, don't take any of these things with other medications unless your doctor approves.

Don't give up. I'm praying for you.

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik

Posted by saw on November 18, 2004, at 2:00:27

In reply to Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself, posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17

Oh boy, I have felt like this more times than I care to remember. It is very overwhelming. And yes, so very tiring. I never fail to feel that I should be doing more, or that I should accomplish more. I am way too hard on myself and find it very, very difficult to lighten up about my self worth, or lack of.

I think what I want to say though, is that when I admitted to myself that I am ill and that it is ok to be ill, I started feeling a little bit less guilty about all the things I *should* or *could* be doing but am not.

Very recently (in the last couple of weeks) and with the help of babble, I have decided that even if I can't repair my very broken self esteem and image, I will at least try not to say such unkind things to myself. Of course I am going to believe all the insults I tell myself so it might be better not to say them at all. I am finding it quite a bit harder not to think them though. But I'm trying, and that is really all I can do. Because of this, I think, somehow, and I am afraid to say it too loudly (for fear of failing, what else?) I am feeling a little better about myself.


<< don't want to die forever - just temporarily - until I don't have to feel this way anymore.>>

What an intriguing comment. Every time I have been suicidal or have had suicidal ideations, I have thought I don't want it to be permanent, but peace, please, just give me peace. I understand this feeling you are feeling so well.

Your post has touched me deeply. I could have written it myself. I feel for you and hope you can try to be good to yourself. Start with the easiest and smallest thing. Like holding your favourite pillow for awhile. I hope I don't sound trite or simple, because I know how hard it is and I do indulge in such self destructive behaviour that even I get alarmed.

Please know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.

Sabrina

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik

Posted by AdaGrace on November 18, 2004, at 7:05:54

In reply to Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself, posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17

I too was struck by one line in your post about not wanting to die permanently, just until the pain was gone.

I so often want to go to sleep and not wake up until all the pain is gone.

I sometimes wander what it would be like to just be frozen for a few years and then thaw out to a brand new life.

Then again, I often wander what it would be like to just run away from my life and become a waitress in a greesy spoon somewhere in Arizona like "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" Sorta my fantasy.

Anyway, what I have realized is, no matter how bad I think things are, death is probably worse, because I am afraid of death. I don't think I have attoned my sins as of yet, and I am pretty sure the big guy down stairs has a level of inferno for me that I might just not like. Something perhaps like me sitting in a bar where they don't serve alcohol and all there is for entertainment is people doing a really poor job of singing Patsy Cline's "Crazy" over and over and over again. Oh, and I am probably naked and lots of flesh is flapping and people are laughing at me.

Good grief, where did that come from?????

Okay, now for the advice. Try to get through today, and then try for tomorrow. Thinking too far into the future sometimes is too overwhelming and can stifle the person from doing even the tinyest task. Something to think about.

I care, we all care, and keep posting, it does help.

AdaGrace

 

Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself

Posted by Soulnik on November 19, 2004, at 1:49:39

In reply to Re: Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself » Soulnik, posted by MKB on November 17, 2004, at 23:36:26

Thanks for your feedback and support. I get so desperate at times.

I did check with pdoc and he thinks the AD is responsible for some of the drowsiness so we're changing the time of day that I take the medication.

Today I actually left the house and saw a friend who told me about a job lead. That was good though today I don't feel very capable of working. Baby steps, I guess.

I wish there was some faster way. It's hard not to think about what I "should" and "could" be doing. I am afraid I am missing out and losing so much. But as realistic as I am about the fact that this IS an illness, I am just not willing to believe that I REALLY have to live with it EVERYDAY. It seems like too much. I suppose that's contradictory but it's just so absurd, isn't? That my mind could be so broken when the rest of me is well. That it could totally immobilize me or keep me awake for days. Absurd.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.