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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
oh dear. i've been thinking. i told my old man 'we don't know eachother.' he laughed. we've been together for over 5 years. i said 'i don't know what you are passionate about' he said 'it makes me angry when people get worked up over things. i'm passionate about things but it's boring to talk aobut.' i said i wanted to talk about it, as i didn't think it was boring. so we talked.
he's not passionate about much. sending orders to other countries. that's about it. i asked him 'what am i passionate about?' he said 'helping people' but let's not talk about that as i don't want to upset you.' i told him that i love his philosophy on life, as he doesn't get depressed, or worked up, or angry. he's laid back. he's wonderful.
i told him i'm missing something. something is missing in my life that i'm just not getting. i'm either working too hard, or thinking too much, or not doing enough. he said i need a hobby. i said if i do volunteer work it would be wonderful, but i run the risk of thinking, 'i'm still not doing enough.'
i told him, 'do you think that you have the potential to do something great. that you are going to be wonderful?' he said, "i think that we all think that. and we all want to do some thing great. but, some of us don't for some reason.'
i said, 'do you honestly think i will be great?
he said, 'i haven't seen what you do in school. i don't know. i don't think so.'i'm crushed.
my own old man doesn't see it in me. if he, the man that sees me everyday, doesn't see it no one will. i'll leave him one day and prove him wrong. that's my motivation now. now i have motivation. perhaps i won't leave him, but i will prove him wrong. i know we all have it in us, but i will do something great.
so, my question. does everyone have that feeling. that feeling that you will do something great. that feeling in your gut that tells you tht you won't sit behind a computer all day, crunching numbers for the man. but, you'll be out there, making a difference. does everyone have that feeling? that you'll really honestly make a difference. or, am i just naive. i know i am. but, i really have this feeling that i will do something. am i wrong? no way. am i alone though? just typing, sorry...
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2004, at 20:45:38
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Posted by EmmyS on April 9, 2004, at 21:00:28
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Has this man MET you yet??? Jeepers creepers! Is he PMSing?? What is up with that lame response?
You are already great KK. You have a heart as big as the sky. That's greatness.
HUGS over over you!!
Emmy
Posted by kid47 on April 9, 2004, at 22:00:09
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Posted by pegasus on April 10, 2004, at 1:46:33
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Karen, I agree with everyone else that you are already great.
When I was younger, I did have that feeling that I would do something great. Or, that I had the potential to. (At other times, I thought I was hopelessly pathetic, but that's not the point here.) Over the past couple of years, I've begun to see myself as a more medium person, with some really great qualities, and some unfortunate qualities. I've found that middle view to be a lot more freeing than the times that I saw all of my amazing potential. I'm not explaining this well. I mean that I've only started living up to my amazing potential when I started letting go of the pressure to be something great. Does that make sense? I had to be able to see myself as just a regular person, and see that that was OK, before I was free enough to look around and make the right decisions.
Maybe that's where your guy is coming from. I think a lot of folks see that they have potential, and then for whatever reason they start living in a way that isn't addressing that potential. So, then they comfort themselves by saying, well, that's how everyone is so it's ok. I needed to get to there before I started realizing that another way to comfort myself in that place was to actually reach out and start using that potential.
it's late, maybe this is incoherent
pegasus
Posted by jay on April 10, 2004, at 2:32:56
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Posted by gardenergirl on April 10, 2004, at 11:53:25
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
KK,
I'm sorry your old man was not on the money with this one. You are already great. You are making a difference.I have this theory. People who help others, even if just one time, create a ripple like in a pond. That ripple spreads wider and wider, touching other ripples, which changes the direction again, and keeps things flowing. Without this movement, the water becomes stagnant.
Without sweet, dear people like you, life becomes stagnant. YOU create that ripple every day just by doing the things you value so much. Will you be written up in "Who's Who?" Maybe. Maybe not. But everyone you touch will remember some aspect of you, and it will have some effect, whether large or small, on their own movement. So that life does not become stagnant.
Keep tossing pebbles in the pond, KK.
gg
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 10, 2004, at 12:07:32
In reply to Re: is it in me? » karen_kay, posted by gardenergirl on April 10, 2004, at 11:53:25
If you beleive it, if you feel it... then why ask someone else?
You have the answer to your question in your heart.
I know you do.
xoxoxoxo
Jai Narayan
Posted by octopusprime on April 10, 2004, at 13:44:39
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
karen_kay - you're bright, articulate, and personable with great fashion sense. that'll take you far.
you know, you might be onto something with the "thinking too much" thing. i fall into that trap all the time. the best things in my life seem to happen to me when i'm not thinking, just doing.
and about the "not enough" thing - pegasus was right when she was talking about acceptance. we need to accept that we cannot be superheroes. all we can do is our very best every day. we're not going to save the world but we are going to affect our own little circles of change, one day at a time. i bet you don't even realize the effect you have on others, and what a difference you do make even now. i always underestimate myself this way. i'm so hung up on not being a superhero that i can't see that i make a difference in my own way.
if you are looking for passion, k_k, look to art and culture. you are well-read and have an eye for beauty in the world. if you can meet some local musicians, artists, dancers, writers ... that's where the passion is. also politics. social activists. meet the people who don't think it's boring to talk about what they love. learn and grow. art and music is changing my life and my relationship with the world. good luck.
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:22:32
In reply to Re: is it in me?, posted by EmmyS on April 9, 2004, at 21:00:28
even if i have a heart as big as the sky, how much can that do dear? i know i have potential, yes. but, if i don't use that heart to do something, what does that mean exactly? that i've wasted that heart (and what a wonderful heart that is) that could be of such great use. see my point. if we all have this great amount of potential inside us, why not grab ahold of it and use it? i'm just saying, perhaps i'm wasting quite a bit of time. i should be doing more with my wonderful heart. i just feel that i'm not doing enough, and perhaps that's why i'm sad alot, feel me?
thank you though. i appreciate your comments :)
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:33:38
In reply to Re: is it in me?, posted by pegasus on April 10, 2004, at 1:46:33
no dear, you made perfect sense.
i just hope that i don't fall into that trap of thinking 'well, this is how everyone else is, so it's ok' my old man was saying that other people don't care so much about everyone else, so that makes it ok. i think he's already fallen into that trap.
perhaps if i start to think of myself as a person with some good qualities and some not so good qualities, things will fall into place. but, i prefer to think that even when my not so good qualities start to come out, my truly wonderful qualities far outshine them.
no, i am superwoman :) and i'd rather be devistated when i one day find out that i'm not than to honestly believe in my heart that i'm not superwoman. i've decided to become more active. to participate more in things that i have a passion for. even if it's as simple as reading, or writing. and in my head, i'll be great (er than i already am). i don't need a nobel prize to tell me i'm wonderful. just someone to smile at me. and that is already happening. i just hope that smile goes home with that person, and is carried on from there, you know?
thank you. i appreciate your wisdom. but, i still prefer to think i'm superwoman. it does wonders for my ego :)
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:35:11
In reply to Re: is it in me? » karen_kay, posted by gardenergirl on April 10, 2004, at 11:53:25
gg,
that's precisely what i was wondering... thanks for the reassurance.... glad i'm not alone in my thinking. and from such a reliable source, we can't be wrong. FINALLY!! i'm right about something! thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! :)
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:36:15
In reply to Why ask someone else?, posted by Jai Narayan on April 10, 2004, at 12:07:32
a bit of reassurance never hurts, does it? :)
jai, you're a sweetie, aren't you? you know the answer in your heart. but, yes you are.
kk
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:46:10
In reply to Re: is it in me?, posted by octopusprime on April 10, 2004, at 13:44:39
thank you for your kind words..
i do have some artsy friends. i need to start speaking with them more frequently. and they do inspire me very much. in fact, last time i went to the local university museum, my friend had some work on display that just blew me away. my old man is going to commission him to do a piece of work for us. i can't wait. they really are quite a group to talk to. so much to say. and so much to learn. i'm gettig teary eyed just thiking about them, in fact. perhaps tonight? honestly, his work just blows me away!!!!
and about thinking too much. you are right. i need to be doing, instead of thinking. i'm on it boss! :)
but, i won't accept the fact that i have limitations. nope. i don't. if i do, then i'll fall into the trap that 'i can't accomplish anything, as i just can't do enough' i have no limitations. i'll be out there, making a difference, in my own way. i honestly understand that others have limitations, but i won't accept the fact that i do. never. it just won't happen. i'd rather live my life trying to find those limitations than to accept defeat and say to myself 'well, there's something you just can't do.' i can make things happen and i will. i'm optimistic you know?
thank you so very much for your response. it's very much appreciated.
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 10, 2004, at 15:52:42
In reply to why not tell? » Jai Narayan, posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:36:15
> a bit of reassurance never hurts, does it? :)
>
That's the upside of the downside of someone not giving you what you want.....
I guess I wonder why you would ever be in doubt...you are so special....and we all know it and love you.
I guess sometimes it seems so painful when someone wonderful gets some negative feedback....
then you are on that ugly roller coaster.....up down....
I know what it's like to get crushed by someone you love....that they cannot encompass (contain) all that we are.....maybe he just can't see it.
But have no doubt you have it.
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 17:43:01
In reply to reassurance yes!, posted by Jai Narayan on April 10, 2004, at 15:52:42
i agree, he just doesn't see it. he doesn't see what i do. he's completely oblivious to it. i don't understand how, but he is.
perhaps i don't treat him the way i treat others. or maybe he's just use to it. you know, i leave him love letters. and i used to send him post cards from my home town when he moved from there, just to remind him of the place. and dozens and dozens of other things, small things but just the same. i don't treat him any different, he's just use to it. it's a shame. perhaps i could remind him, but isn't that just trying to persuade him that "hey, i'm great, look, i do this and that"??? i don't want to come across that way. he has to realize it himself, doesn't he. i think he just doesn't appreciate me any longer. too bad for him. i have it in me, he just forgets. and i'll go out of my way to show him. but, if he doesn't appreciate it, it's out the door for the old man! i'll not have that :)
Posted by EmmyS on April 10, 2004, at 18:40:05
In reply to but, is it enough? » EmmyS, posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2004, at 14:22:32
Dearest Gooberhead - So, you gots some options.
1) You CAN change majors. Jillions of students do it every year. What's one more student loan for a LIFE TIME of difference?
2) Frankly, I fergit your major...but lets say it's bean counting. Plan to only count beans for an agency that warms the hearts, bodies, and souls of people in need. Don't bean count for "The Man, Inc.".
3) For some reason, this is always an unpopular suggestion...but do volunteer work! It can make a huge difference, truly, in a persons life. Find the area of need that compels you. Call them. Ask what you can do to help. You can work with kids, eldery, teens, mentally ill folks, developmentally disabled kids or adults, or any other population that makes you ache to help.
You can limit the time you spend there to just what you can spare. You can take a gentle soul out of the psychiatric hospital for a couple hours to go to Walmart! It would be the highlight of their month.
So...there you go. I'm a very practical chick. If you feel bad about not doing something, the sure cure is to do it.
Emmy
Posted by EmmyS on April 11, 2004, at 10:04:40
In reply to Re: but, is it enough? » karen_kay, posted by EmmyS on April 10, 2004, at 18:40:05
Part II
I realized, always late I is, that I posted a list of things that *I* think make a person great. Helping others 1-on-1 works for my definition.
But what's KK's definition of greatness?
And, I didn't mean to lob a guilt bomb at you - hoping it didn't come across that way.
And, why do I second guess everything I post?
OK, OK, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn, a couple people LIKE me!
Emmy
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 11, 2004, at 12:32:53
In reply to is it in me?, posted by karen_kay on April 9, 2004, at 20:14:03
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 11, 2004, at 13:04:05
In reply to Why ask someone else?, posted by Jai Narayan on April 10, 2004, at 12:07:32
> If you beleive it, if you feel it... then why ask someone else?
> You have the answer to your question in your heart.
>
>
<<<Thanx for asking a 'great' question!Possibly, because that's what we do. We wait for approval. We find our social balance point in some impossible place; between someone else's ears! Their brains ain't any more efficient and accurate than our brains, yet we trust 'em first. Darn, that sounds like a bad idea! So why do we do it? why do we trust someone before we trust ourselves?
One clue is we are hardwired to avoid dissatisfaction, which we handle as children by deferring the decisions to our primary dependency object; Mom. When we don't get that updated and find ourselves floundering at age 39 or earlier, we readily ask advice from the darnedest folks. Like a husband we already know the answer from, cuz its safe! In my case it was anyone I felt safe asking, not someone particuliarly wise; just safe. Bad Idea.... mostly.
Rod
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 11, 2004, at 14:41:35
In reply to Re: Why ask someone else? (possibly...) » Jai Narayan, posted by 64Bowtie on April 11, 2004, at 13:04:05
> Possibly, because that's what we do. We wait for approval. We find our social balance point in some impossible place; between someone else's ears! Their brains ain't any more efficient and accurate than our brains, yet we trust 'em first. Darn, that sounds like a bad idea! So why do we do it? why do we trust someone before we trust ourselves?
>
I do the same darn thing and wanted to know why others do it too.
I am working on this topic in therapy right now.
I end up feeling like I'm on a roller coaster....
someone says good stuff then someone else is critcal me...
and I go up and down.....
my stomach can't stand it!
This is the end of the thread.
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