![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
Miserable again. This is getting really old.
So, the meds haven't changed, but suddenly I just find everything in life too much for me. Hell, showering is an accomplishment, why can't I go back to bed after working that hard?
I start a new job tomorrow. Yesterday, my SO took me shopping and bought me new clothes, spent more money on my wardrobe than I'd spent in the last five years put together. He even bought me a bottle of cologne, Guerlain even! Still, I'm the most hideous creature, fat ugly stupid sloppy useless worthless, and all that. Don't forget so screwed up that even drugs aren't enough to help. THis is where that wretched doctor's words come back: 'the drugs are working fine, but you've got so many problems, drugs won't help you.'
On top of it all, I'm so afraid that this is going to ruin this job for me, which puts even more pressure on me.
OK, who wants to step in and fix my brain? C'mon, someone, anyone? Please?
Posted by coral on November 26, 2000, at 21:15:35
In reply to Argh!, posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
Dear Racer,
awwwww, Racer, I'm sorry...... the rotten cellar demons are at it again. If this helps at all, trust your SO right now. He sees value in you, whether it's hidden from you or not. Just trust him until the cellar demons are shut up again.
Don't be a "good" patient and believe your doctor. Who knows if he's right or not!?!
You have a chunk of stress with the new job starting tomorrow and that may be what's looming so large for you and the . . . "What if . . ." demons are screaming. One of the ways I've learned to shut up the "what if . . ." demons is to out-shout them. WHAT IF I SCREW UP THIS JOB??? So what? I've been unemployed before and survived."
Talk to yourself the same way you talked to your mare when she still heard the opening gate .... use the compassion you've given her on yourself.
Take care, sugar...
Coral
Posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:22:29
In reply to Re: Argh!, posted by coral on November 26, 2000, at 21:15:35
> Talk to yourself the same way you talked to your mare when she still heard the opening gate .... use the compassion you've given her on yourself.
She never had a problem. I'd sit outside the gate, deciding how to bail at every fence! You know, "If it looks natural, they'll never know I bailed, they'll think I fell off, and won't know that I was incapable of getting around a hunter/eq/handy/etc course..."
Thanks, though.
Posted by Emmanuela on November 27, 2000, at 2:14:15
In reply to Argh!, posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
Racer - ah, would I could fix your brain! Just a note to you for loving support. And if I send my credit card to your SO, would he go shopping for me too so I wouldn't have to go into any of the stores? I wish you luck on your new work. Please let us know how you are (besides extremely well-dressed). And miserableness getting old - how well I know it...
Hugs
Emmanuela
Posted by ksvt on November 27, 2000, at 7:40:41
In reply to Argh!, posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
> Your torment sounds like the torment of one headed into a job interview, not one headed into a job. You've already made it through the really hard part. Obviously these folks had a good enough feeling about you to hire you. They clearly didn't think you were all the really nasty things you say you are, because those things do make a difference to employers and would have made a difference to their decision to hire you. Just try to remember - decisions about whether an employer/employee relationship are going to work are rarely made, and can rarely be predicted right away. Try not to attach too much significance to how things go these first few days. If they go well, that should give you some confidence, but if they seem iffy, that's probably more the norm anyway. Let us know how it goes. ksvt
Miserable again. This is getting really old.
>
> So, the meds haven't changed, but suddenly I just find everything in life too much for me. Hell, showering is an accomplishment, why can't I go back to bed after working that hard?
>
> I start a new job tomorrow. Yesterday, my SO took me shopping and bought me new clothes, spent more money on my wardrobe than I'd spent in the last five years put together. He even bought me a bottle of cologne, Guerlain even! Still, I'm the most hideous creature, fat ugly stupid sloppy useless worthless, and all that. Don't forget so screwed up that even drugs aren't enough to help. THis is where that wretched doctor's words come back: 'the drugs are working fine, but you've got so many problems, drugs won't help you.'
>
> On top of it all, I'm so afraid that this is going to ruin this job for me, which puts even more pressure on me.
>
> OK, who wants to step in and fix my brain? C'mon, someone, anyone? Please?
Posted by shellie on November 27, 2000, at 9:23:13
In reply to Argh!, posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
> I start a new job tomorrow. Yesterday, my SO took me shopping and bought me new clothes, spent more money on my wardrobe than I'd spent in the last five years put together. He even bought me a bottle of cologne, Guerlain even! Still, I'm the most hideous creature, fat ugly stupid sloppy useless worthless, and all that. Don't forget so screwed up that even drugs aren't enough to help. THis is where that wretched doctor's words come back: 'the drugs are working fine, but you've got so many problems, drugs won't help you.'
>
> On top of it all, I'm so afraid that this is going to ruin this job for me, which puts even more pressure on me.
>
> OK, who wants to step in and fix my brain? C'mon, someone, anyone? Please?Hey Racer, congratulations on getting a new job.
As kvst said, they do not see you as fat ugly stupid sloppy useless worthless. This is one of the times, NOT to trust yourself about your feelings. Try to let your feelings receed to the background of your mind and try seeing yourself as they do--bright, attractive, and useful to their company. If you have two sets of feelings, consciously pick the positive (you can always deal with the balance later). Good luck, Shellie
Posted by S. Howard on November 28, 2000, at 20:21:37
In reply to Argh!, posted by Racer on November 26, 2000, at 21:04:27
Racer-
Keep the SO, fire the doctor. What a thing to say!
It sounds like you found yourself a good job and co-workers you can live with. You should be real proud of yourself.I also found some comfort today! After I quit my regular job I applied to work for a "temps" company. They have been more than patient with me and my problems. They actually found a job just for me that, while it didn't pay as much as if I was doing all the things I'm capable of doing at work, it was much less stressful. I agreed to take the job, but my husband had to call in sick for me from the emergency room the night before I was supposed to start work (I was busy throwing up in the sink). So I thought, well that's it.
I called them today, not to ask for work, but to apologize and thank them for their patience. The woman I talked to, Nikki, said, "But we're holding the job for you!" I was astonished. So I told her I couldn't start working yet and I had to explain why. I'm supposed to be taking Dilantin for seizures, but I don't want to. They gave it to me in the hospital and it knocked me out cold. Although I almost certainly passed out from the drugs in my system, I thought it would be safest to not drive for a week or so just to make sure there was no reoccurrence.
Worse, both of my arms are covered with ugly bruises from my hands to my elbows...not from falling, but from all the needle sticks in the hospital. Apparently I have "deep veins".Then Nikki said, "Call us whenever you feel like you can work. We're holding the job for you until then." I had to thank her and hang up before I started crying. From time to time I am reminded of the inherent goodness in people and it always
affects me deeply, probably because I tend to lose sight of that...Racer, enjoy your new clothes, your Guerlain, and
your new job. You deserve it.Gracie
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.