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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by noa on November 10, 2003, at 18:45:38
The past weekend, I was in total slug/sloth retreat. Started dosing off early Friday evening, went to sleep early, in clothes, slept til 2 pm, didn't change clothes, only went out to pick up prescription on Saturday and to pull in the paper from the stoop on both Sat. and Sunday. Slept in clothes again, didn't talk to anyone, didn't even go on the computer (!).
I needed to sloth it because I was exhausted from being overwhelmed at work. I think I've been holding up pretty well at work--ie even though overwhelmed, I have been keeping up my stamina pretty well, and keep going, rather than throw my hands up in the air (which has occurred to me to do, believe me!). It is very fast paced and pressured lately (remember the reduction in forces?) and I feel like I'm "dancing as fast as I can". My anxiety has been revved up because of this, and I constantly feel like I am drowning in work and can't prioritize and am falling behind, etc. etc. but I keep getting up and going to work (except for one mental health day a few weeks ago), and keep working all day and plodding through the piles and piles. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I am surprised that I've been able to keep working through all of it.
Today in therapy, my therapist said just the right thing at the right time. He reminded me that I do have a depressive illness, after all, and that compared to how I was doing at work just a few years ago, how well I'm doing now and even when I feel like throwing my hands up and saying, "I can't do this", I have kept going, kept working through the anxiety and all.
At one point over the weekend, it occurred to me that my total sloth withdrawal weekend was a better substitute for calling in sick and becoming very withdrawn during the work week.
The sleep helped, too. I felt more energy today at work, although I was still very overwhelmed. I'm going to try to get to bed earlier this week. Maybe that will help, at least with energy. And I need to use my light box. I've been derelict in my light box therapy this year.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 11, 2003, at 17:37:32
In reply to Total retreat to slugsville, posted by noa on November 10, 2003, at 18:45:38
Hey Noa,
I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this. The first thiing I thought when I started reading it was "are you keeping up with your light box and getting enough of it".. Can you turn it on and lie down for a bit, and set your alarm so you don't leave it on too long (if there is a limit).. Atleast it won't be something extra to fit into your day when you're so sluggish, so you won't try and avoid it. (I pplay that game ALOT myself!)
I've been out to do stuff two days running, and its really exhausted me!! And only out in the afternoons! Its terrible!
Now go sit under the light - thats an order
Nikki
Posted by shar on November 12, 2003, at 22:08:37
In reply to Re: Total retreat to slugsville » noa, posted by NikkiT2 on November 11, 2003, at 17:37:32
I have done the same thing (with slight variations) and it is not a new thing for many of us.
I truly believe you (we) are doing the best we can. Take care.
xoxo
Shar
Posted by noa on November 13, 2003, at 4:20:32
In reply to Noa, welcome to Lumptonia..., posted by shar on November 12, 2003, at 22:08:37
Thanks, Shar and Nikki.
I was better once my work day started up on Monday. Anxious about keeping up with everything, of course, but my mood was better. I think I just needed the total retreat/lumptonia/slothfest and to shut out the world for a couple of days.
I even went shopping after work on Tuesday--on an impulse, sort of. I was running an errand near the mall, and remembered that one of the stores has a sale on, so I stopped in to look. It was disappointing because there was nothing interesting--I think that's because it was already a week into the sale and nothing interesting was left. But I went to another store--the kind that always has a sale on with coupons on top of the sales price and on top of extra discounts, etc. (you don't even need to bring your own coupons--other customers always have extra and give them, or the salesperson has extra behind the desk)--and bought a bunch of stuff at ridiculously low prices. The prices are so low on some items at this store it is almost like they should just save everyone the time of waiting in line, and save the employee's time in swiping the coupons and checking the prices for all the things whose tags are missing or incorrect, etc. etc., and just put up a sign on the clothes that reads, "TAKE ME!"All this to describe that my energy was back. Although, I was tired after my shopping work-out.
Not that long ago, I was in slumptonia all the time, for a few years. I don't know how I managed to keep my job during that time. I am like 800% more productive now than I was then.
But I still have occasional weekends when it's hard to get myself up and out and moving. Usually, I do manage a little bit of getting out at the least, and in recent months, I've been a little more active. But last weekend, I just needed to dissociate in my own little cave. I just need to get my cave into shape so it can be a more inviting and comfortable cave to retreat to! When I'm in it now, I have to dissociate somewhat to ignore the incredible mess, and I don't have much in the way of comfortable seating, etc. because I need to go get furniture, which I began working on but got overwhelmed with all of the decisions and took a bit of a hiatus from furniture shopping (I get a little obsessive, it's true, but that is not a terrible thing to do when making a major purchase--at least I'm not an impulsive major purchaser). I'll get back to it soon, I hope.
Thanks for the support.
Posted by shar on November 13, 2003, at 15:55:48
In reply to Re: Noa, welcome to Lumptonia..., posted by noa on November 13, 2003, at 4:20:32
No matter WHAT is going on, or what amount of time you need to spend in your own little cave...what an improvement!
Your comment about not knowing how you did it all that time a few years back is a tribute to you and your abilities...and, indirectly, all of us and our abilities to go into the world and carry on even while we are so debilitated.
Enjoy your cave time, whenever you need it, I say!
shar
Posted by coral on November 16, 2003, at 3:52:47
In reply to Re: Noa, welcome to Lumptonia..., posted by noa on November 13, 2003, at 4:20:32
Dear Noa,
Slumptonia is a sleepy, little suburb of Lumptonia, and all Lumptonians have personal cabins there. I'm occupying one this weekend. Just returned from six days out of the country (working, not fun stuff), and I promptly checked in to my cabin in Slumptonia. This is day two in Slumptonia for me and I'm exhausted but not as exhausted as I was yesterday.
My Slumptonia schedule
8am NOT dressing
9am napping
lunch time - chocolate and orange juice
afternoon - reading and snoozing during some sporting event on the television being watched by WH
evening meal - something in a paper bag brought by my WH
evening - snoozingSlumptonia is very healing!!!!
My goal today is to change jammies
I have to check out of Slumptonia by tomorrow morning....
Hugs,
Coral
Posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 22:06:24
In reply to Re: Noa: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by coral on November 16, 2003, at 3:52:47
Posted by noa on November 21, 2003, at 19:30:53
In reply to 80% improvement? Congratulations!, posted by shar on November 13, 2003, at 15:55:48
Thanks, Shar. I read on the other board about your yoga initiative--I'm impressed!
Posted by noa on November 21, 2003, at 19:32:49
In reply to Re: Noa: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by coral on November 16, 2003, at 3:52:47
Coral--sounds like a wonderful schedule. And wouldn't it be nice to have a WH like your WH who brings home the dinner in the bag so you never have to leave the house!
Posted by coral on November 22, 2003, at 11:53:07
In reply to Re: Noa: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by noa on November 21, 2003, at 19:32:49
Yes, it is a MAJOR blessing. As you may remember, during my incarceration in hell, I came VERY close to losing him --- as well as losing everything else, including my life.
My heart aches for you, Shar, Racer, Greg... and so many other wonderful people still trapped near the abyss. If only I had a huge, strong magnet that could pull souls safely into the sunlight...
Coral
Posted by noa on November 22, 2003, at 16:30:24
In reply to Re: Noa: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by coral on November 22, 2003, at 11:53:07
Posted by noa on November 22, 2003, at 16:40:32
In reply to Re: Noa: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by coral on November 22, 2003, at 11:53:07
I slumped/lumped/slothed/slugged/burrowed again today. Up at 9--beautiful weather, gorgeous sun--but back in bed at 10 and stayed til after 4. Dunno why. Still haven't gotten back into the light routine, either.
I feel guilty because I know I have in my control to do things to feel more alert and energetic. My depression has been under control but I'm back to slumping on weekends. And I know too much slumping makes me depressed. I feel guilty because I know there were times when I couldn't make myself feel better and I know there are others who are suffering with depression beyond their control. So why do I forego the beautiful sunshine and just right temperatures that I love to experience in favor of sleeping and lying in bed to the point of causing my back to ache? It feels self-defeating.
I'm hoping to get more out of the day tomorrow. I do have to get out at least later in the day tomorrow, as I have dinner plans with some friends to celebrate one friend's birthday. But I'd like myself to get up and get out earlier, too. And get some of the many "must do's" done. At least some of them. And enjoy the nice weather.
Inertia has always been a problem for me.
Posted by shar on November 25, 2003, at 13:30:04
In reply to Re: Lumptonia...slumptonia, posted by noa on November 22, 2003, at 16:40:32
Noa,
Wonder if off to bed has anything to do with the holidays coming up? That's enough to drain me even when I'm otherwise ok.Don't hassle yourself about it, too much. Sometimes we just have these times.
I've been feeling sickly and abed for a couple of days--nausea, my great nemesis, and flu stuff. Ick. But, I know even when my body is better, my bed will be well-occupied until after January 1.
xoxo and (((Noa)))
Give yer old self a break!
Shar
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