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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
Two people, or rather the dynamic that exists between two people, can make a difference in decisions of the 'to be or not to be' variety.
Today (Jan. 31) is the official ending of my contract with my T that I would not commit suicide for one year. As some may recall, we had a huge fight about it; I was pissed for weeks, and felt she was being horribly unfair, putting me firmly between a rock and a hard place.
So, it looks like I'll be around a while longer, because as the day of liberation arrives, I find I'm looking upon a different horizon, one with features instead of a bleak, cold, uninviting moonscape, even has big spots that are clear of haze and soot.
(No Pollyanna BS here, this is not a horizon full of crystals, bells, exotic plants, futuristic decor, and OMs. It's real life, trial by fire, financial hardship. There is also added dimension now to a life that had become one-dimensional. And, I'm ever so aware that descent is just a hair's breadth away.)
So, more posting is in my future, too, I guess. I'm sure that's pretty exciting for everyone!
Shar
Posted by Phil on January 31, 2003, at 6:37:02
In reply to Life is a two-person job, posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
Posted by tina on January 31, 2003, at 9:58:50
In reply to Life is a two-person job, posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
lucky you shar. something to live for. I'm happy that you're so positive. You're right about having support from your partner. It's integral to the desire to stay alive. If you've got it, hang on to it. I'm envious.
Posted by Rach on January 31, 2003, at 22:55:29
In reply to Life is a two-person job, posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
Congrats Shar. That is one special accomplishment from one special lady. How amazing for you to look back on the transitions that have occurred in just one year.
You've given me hope.
x
Posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 23:45:40
In reply to Life is a two-person job, posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
> Two people, or rather the dynamic that exists between two people, can make a difference in decisions of the 'to be or not to be' variety.
..........Upon rereading this sounds a bit too romantic for my taste. In my situation, some big changes occurred because of a relationship of the living-together type. However, the 'other' that is part of the dynamic that makes a horizon change does not have to be a romantic partner. It may be a friend, relative, or therapist (I think in my case, it was my therapist for years). It can also be an animal companion--I've experienced that, too; the thing that kept me alive was the love and responsibility I had for my animal(s).
........So, saving my life began long before I met my S.O. and it was a two-person job then, too. I guess I'm thinking that the decision to live or die shouldn't be based on someone specific being around, it has to be internal. And, also that living can be easier when there is another that cares (whether a 'significant other' or not). It's both things.
........The "two person" part of the expression came about when my S.O. and I were cleaning the blood and gronk out of my dog's ear after her surgery and he said "this is really a two-person job." I held her head still while he did the cleaning. Had I been living alone, I could have done it myself, but it was so much easier with help. Later, I thought, hell, life is a two-person job...it's just easier with help from others, many different others.
.........Jeez, I wonder if I've just made this make LESS sense than before...hope not! 8-)
Shar
>
> Today (Jan. 31) is the official ending of my contract with my T that I would not commit suicide for one year. As some may recall, we had a huge fight about it; I was pissed for weeks, and felt she was being horribly unfair, putting me firmly between a rock and a hard place.
>
> So, it looks like I'll be around a while longer, because as the day of liberation arrives, I find I'm looking upon a different horizon, one with features instead of a bleak, cold, uninviting moonscape, even has big spots that are clear of haze and soot.
>
> (No Pollyanna BS here, this is not a horizon full of crystals, bells, exotic plants, futuristic decor, and OMs. It's real life, trial by fire, financial hardship. There is also added dimension now to a life that had become one-dimensional. And, I'm ever so aware that descent is just a hair's breadth away.)
>
> So, more posting is in my future, too, I guess. I'm sure that's pretty exciting for everyone!
>
> Shar
Posted by judy1 on February 1, 2003, at 17:37:28
In reply to Life is a two-person job, posted by shar on January 31, 2003, at 1:46:03
and I'm so happy that your relationship continues to grow with your SO.
not to be a downer, but may I ask why you fought with your T about the contract? (Please forgive me if you've told this story and I've forgotten). I used to have one in place with a shrink who dropped me because of a suicide attempt, I was devastated but I think I finally understand his perspective- it must really hurt to lose a patient. I think I'm being a little over reflective today. take care, judy
Posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 3:08:10
In reply to that was lovely » shar, posted by judy1 on February 1, 2003, at 17:37:28
Thank you, Judy.
The fight was because she was 'taking away' the only out I had from an unbearable situation. As long as I had the out, the escape, the option to leave, I could go on. (That's a bit counterintuitive, I guess.) Because I knew, when the time came that I couldn't bear any more at all, I could end it.
On the one hand, she was withholding my entry into the group (which I really needed and also kept me going), unless I agreed to give up my escape route. It didn't feel much different than having the fire doors locked. I was going to be trapped in hell.
I think I had been getting worse, which may have prompted the agreement; I also think she felt I could work on the suicide thing in group. The latter didn't really happen because nobody in there had the same type of SI that I did. Just about everybody had had SI at some point, but it was a fleeting thing. So, when I worked on it in group, people mainly just got really uncomfortable and didn't relate.
Probably the best thing for the group was that I fought with her, and while people were somewhat horrified, they saw she didn't abandon people when they were mad at her. An important lesson for all of us in there.
I am amazed that a T would drop a client after a suicide attempt, just when they might need the T the most. You obviously survived, but that could not have been a good experience, and it sent an awful message. Says a lot about the therapist.
BTW, glad you're still here!
Shar
Posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 16:37:16
In reply to Re: that was lovely » judy1, posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 3:08:10
it does sound like it turned into a positive experience for your group, especially the abandonment issues (which are huge for a lot of people). you're right that it did hurt to lose my pdoc when I needed him the most (and talk about abandonment again!), but I was curious if this was SOP for clients who don't follow the contracts. so I opened this subject up on psychological babble (I hope you don't mind). take care, judy
Posted by noa on February 3, 2003, at 19:33:24
In reply to thank you! » shar, posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 16:37:16
When my therapist asked me to agree to keep myself safe, he raised the issue of needing more structured care/higher level of care than what he provides, but it was seen as possible a temporary cessation of the outpatient therapy in favor of hospitalization or day treatment, etc., and not that he would never treat me again.
This is the end of the thread.
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