Posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 3:08:10
In reply to that was lovely » shar, posted by judy1 on February 1, 2003, at 17:37:28
Thank you, Judy.
The fight was because she was 'taking away' the only out I had from an unbearable situation. As long as I had the out, the escape, the option to leave, I could go on. (That's a bit counterintuitive, I guess.) Because I knew, when the time came that I couldn't bear any more at all, I could end it.
On the one hand, she was withholding my entry into the group (which I really needed and also kept me going), unless I agreed to give up my escape route. It didn't feel much different than having the fire doors locked. I was going to be trapped in hell.
I think I had been getting worse, which may have prompted the agreement; I also think she felt I could work on the suicide thing in group. The latter didn't really happen because nobody in there had the same type of SI that I did. Just about everybody had had SI at some point, but it was a fleeting thing. So, when I worked on it in group, people mainly just got really uncomfortable and didn't relate.
Probably the best thing for the group was that I fought with her, and while people were somewhat horrified, they saw she didn't abandon people when they were mad at her. An important lesson for all of us in there.
I am amazed that a T would drop a client after a suicide attempt, just when they might need the T the most. You obviously survived, but that could not have been a good experience, and it sent an awful message. Says a lot about the therapist.
BTW, glad you're still here!
Shar
poster:shar
thread:1041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030125/msgs/1047.html