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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on April 25, 2002, at 14:24:21
Now and then, I have days where I feel suicidal. It doesn't last longer than a day or two here and there so I'm not in any danger of actually doing it. The thing is, why does it happen then? If I know I'll never take my own life, why would I feel like doing it for a twenty four hour period now and then?? I do, however, stay depressed for long periods of time, just not suicidal. It's strange. I'm not even sure if I'm explaining it properly.
any input is appreciated
tina
Posted by Shar on April 26, 2002, at 0:23:21
In reply to Do you ever have suicidal DAYS??, posted by tina on April 25, 2002, at 14:24:21
Boy, T, this is not a simple question! I've asked similar questions many times about the twists and turns my mental health takes. It's easier to answer (for me) what is NOT the answer. My mind processes it something like this:
OK, I feel xxx today. Why???? I've been in therapy for decades, so if therapy was the answer, surely I'd be better by now! And, I've been on meds for years...surely if meds was the answer, I wouldn't be feeling xxx! And, ... etc.
I think a lot of what goes on is either the general randomness of life, or spurts of brain chemicals not doing what the usually do (like a psychopharmacological hiccup). The general randomness of life, the way I use it, is sort of like chaos theory...a butterfly flaps its wings in Ecuador and there's an earthquake in Antartica. While there may be a pattern in what happens in the world, I don't have the proper location for viewing it.
For me, asking "why" never yields very satisfying answers. And, in mental health and brain stuff so little is understood about how stuff works...
Not a very satisfying response from me! Maybe others will be more knowledgeable.
Shar
> Now and then, I have days where I feel suicidal. It doesn't last longer than a day or two here and there so I'm not in any danger of actually doing it. The thing is, why does it happen then? If I know I'll never take my own life, why would I feel like doing it for a twenty four hour period now and then?? I do, however, stay depressed for long periods of time, just not suicidal. It's strange. I'm not even sure if I'm explaining it properly.
> any input is appreciated
> tina
Posted by tina on April 26, 2002, at 8:46:01
In reply to Re: Do you ever have suicidal DAYS?? » tina, posted by Shar on April 26, 2002, at 0:23:21
Actually Shar, that makes a lot of sense. You're right it doesn't give me answers but it certainly clarifies the feeling.
You're one hell of a writer.
xxoo
tina
Posted by judy1 on April 26, 2002, at 11:46:33
In reply to Re: Do you ever have suicidal DAYS?? » Shar, posted by tina on April 26, 2002, at 8:46:01
Isn't suicidal ideation one of the prominent symptoms of depression- well at least major depression? You sound like you have it under control though, and I think that's the critical part- you are AWARE of what you're feeling, you know that you've felt it in the past and you know it will go away in a day or two. I think the trouble comes when you start hiding those thoughts (from your therp etc.) and they become more pronounced and you just know that's your only way out- which it's not but you feel that way. Take care, Judy (survivor of 2 serious attempts)
Posted by Shar on April 26, 2002, at 18:18:48
In reply to Re: Do you ever have suicidal DAYS?? » Shar, posted by tina on April 26, 2002, at 8:46:01
Posted by allisonm on April 26, 2002, at 19:34:27
In reply to Do you ever have suicidal DAYS??, posted by tina on April 25, 2002, at 14:24:21
Tina,
Yes, but not as much anymore. They just come up..usually when I'm sliding down the slippery slope. I've worked it out with my pdoc, tho. I think it is an escape mechanism. When I get so down and life seems unbearable, instead of wishing I could fly off to the Caribbean, I think about suicide.
My suicidal thoughts are a comfort to me -- I know I have a plan to fall back on if things keep getting worse. Thing is, they never get bad enough because I'm scared to go there.
I don't know whether this makes any sense. I sure can sympathize with you, though.
Allison
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