Posted by sekou on February 8, 2006, at 21:44:56
In reply to when the bottom drops out, posted by benbetter on February 7, 2006, at 1:02:08
I am grateful to the writer who initiated this thread..."benbetter" mentions...
"Next, I give myself a time limit to stay in my house and wallow in the darkness.. I am talking about those sudden dives that feel like its the end of the world. I set the limit at one hour.. Other people need to figure out there own time limit.. I have to have some of this time to feel the pain.. I think it helps you get it out... But after your time limit you need to get up and go outside or some where .. A walk with your dog or by yourself what ever you like. But you cannot let youself just lay around because you gain no strength."
Ain't it the truth! Among all the other things in life that we have to go through, coming off ADs is not part of the social or work millieu. Here, I would lke to share my experiences that reinforce "benbetter's" advice.I find it most difficult interacting in any social environment because I cannot control them. As I am weaning off of Lex, Risperdol, and Klonopin, I am hypersensitive to everything. I do realize that realistic expectations about withdrawal are good tools
That is, when I have my crying spells, I tell myself - "this is part of the process..." I cry and cry for nothing at all. Sometimes I cry because I think the world is over for me. What ever I can do, I try to stay along that vein of thought.
Perhaps this may be over-simplifying the process, however, I try to accept the pain - kind of like a companion. I am not particularly keen about this company, but it's here sometimes, univited.
There is this mind-body connection that is most difficult to "see" during withdrawal because the focus can sometimes be solely on what we "feel".
What we "know", however, is that the pain is to be expected. I sometimes sit here working at home and just let the tears flow while I am grading papers for my students. It may sound funny, but I am finding some way to stay connected - to keep my mind connected to other things so I can stay tapped into reality.
While hitting rock bottom, however, it isn't so smooth. I go to my meditation mat and hold my mala in my hands. While on my mat, I literally "rock" back and forth - a sort of "settling" in the bottom. feeling horrible, crying, angry inside...ready to explode.
At this point, I don't look to anything to make me feel better - just rocking a little or a lot - while at the bottom. I stay there for some time. It may be in the closet as well. The idea is to let this rush have its way with me in the safety of my home; in the darkness in my closet; under the warmth of a wool blanket.
So, when I rise off my mat (or get out of the closet), I realize that I left something behind there - that "nervous breakdown", those tears, that anger, hatred, whatever it was - I left it there. They'll follow me around again at some point. For that moment, however, they are not a part of me.
Maybe this will help some. I feel that our bodies and our minds - our senibilities are so fragile and delicate. We have everything to retain and so much to lose, even our lives during this process.
poster:sekou
thread:607140
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20060117/msgs/607750.html