Posted by so far so good on July 3, 2004, at 8:47:02
In reply to Re: Addiction: how did it start for you?, posted by Tony P on June 8, 2004, at 5:15:07
This is what it all boils down to. When did I become an addict? At a young age 8th grade,I remember my father (pill popping fellow)Spilled a bottle of pills on the floor. I ,knowing about the "pain pills "he took and seeing him high often,slipped one in my pocket while I helped him pick them up . A vicodin es. Prior to this I smoked a little pot like once or twice,and mabey got drunk a few times off wine coolers or bottle of stolen booze from someones parents stash.I should also admit to binge drinking on the weekends. Who knows. Back to the vicodin es. I took it . It was the best feeling Ive ever experienced. I just layed in my bed thinking how good it would be to feel this high all the time . The next 6 years were lots of pot(daily user thru all my years )stints of LSD and E. I really liked the E. LSD after teen years just can be strange . You either know or you dont.Sprinkle in some dust,coke,shrooms,speed,H,Rx the list is endless.Any how I noticed this all taking a negative affect on me . I always worked,went to school . I justified my drug use this way . I was able to funtion. Only it got to the point that my drug use was really throwing me out of wack. The LSD and E can make you feel borderline retarded after prolong use. So I decided to go with what brought me to the dance . The pot. Still using ever day in my early 20's as well as drinking almost daily since age 16-17.Well the paranoia and to many sizzled synapse was enough for me . Id guess at age 21-22 to say ok Im to old for this. Lets move on with life.I was feeling deppressed , having panick attacks, social phobias,paranoia etc. These things were all the opposite of myself. Quit the pot ,quit most other drugs ,at least on any regular basis. I still Drank . After a year I felt my anxieties go away. The paranoia gone I was able to have a conversation again with others and not forget in the middle of it what I was talking about. Its funny when your 16 and stoned not 21 and talking to a co-worker or customer.I was Back in action. The drinking never bothered me and still doesnt. I have a family full of functioning alcoholics,add me to the list. I was "drug" free.I did notice anytime I would go to the dentist,dislocated a shoulder and a knee @ separate times . I was happy to get the "Pain Killers". It was a bonous. I really liked the feeling. Take a couple extra. Long story short The next few years THE WORST ADDICTION I have ever faced took its grip. I went from here and there usage . To weekend usage , then moved on to soon as I get home from work usage this was a slow four year progression or so. I still did not see a problem mostly hydrocodone,oxycodone,and methadone(last resort) sometimes.Most of the meds were from the street.One fine morning on my way to work feeling unmotivated, I popped a couple 2-4 dont recall at this time ,5mg percocet.I already had a high tolerance. (So I thought ).Work was great . Happy, nothing could bother me , this was it. Well after the discovery of oxycontin the habit that I have been taking part in had became a full on disaster.First I was chewing them .Great 40 mg of oxycodone at once . I was feeling good. Well the tolerance went up,up and away. I would have to crush and snort a 40 just to not be sick . I was crushing 80 's on the regular 2-3 times a day if they were there. If they were not there either was I. Went thru several withdrawels 2-3 days being the longest.The problem I found out with the opiates the only negative affect is th w/d and the seeking life style witch is almost as bad.As long as I had something (opiate)I was good. Tired ,sick,bad mood take opiates and I was back in the game . I knew all about opiate addiction,w/d,tolerance and it still crept up on me . I was in denial. Like the old after school special, not me, I can stop when ever I want. I found this to be untrue.I am like one month or so clean.If Interested look for the first thread of medication assisted w/d 2 thumbs up. Something that caught my eye was the whole replacement deal. Its true I feel a void . I am trying to make changes in lifestyle . Do more stuff any thing ,just keep busy .
poster:so far so good
thread:351278
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/362768.html