Posted by alexandra_k on November 17, 2019, at 3:07:29
In reply to how do you react, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 16, 2019, at 16:13:58
I think sometimes people stare a bit at me, too. I remember seeing pictures of my eldest sister and I got the impression people stared at her a bit, too. She was the the only one in her school picture that had... Something attention capturing. I don't remember what it was. But something that made her look a bit different.
I think I stand out a bit, too, as being a bit different. I don't mirror myself on other people, I just be myself. Most other people don't do that, it seems to me, they are continually engaging in negotiations with with other people so they blend in to / in with them. Whether it be clothes they are wearing or exercises they are doing or whatever.
I think when I was younger I made more of an effort to blend in with a herd. I guess I actually wanted to hang out with peers more. I guess I saw value in having a herd. As I get older I find it more... Empty. I guess the people I used to hang with developed into other things... Nobody I knew chose to walk a similar path to me...
I find it hard when people can't let me be free. I mean to say I find it hard when people cannot handle the fact that I am not looking to boss another person around. I am not looking for another person to boss me around. I could care less the games other people are playing at the park. Let them do whatever they want. Let me do whatever I want. I don't need anybody else to make me feel good about me. I don't need anybody elses permission.
I get mad that people can't resist trying to get me to join in their games... I get mad that people can't resist trying to boss me around...
It is better in the park than in a gym or whatever. It is harder for people to come up to me and start bossing me around in the park. Harder... But not impossible.
I find most people are altogether too concerned with what most people are doing / what most people are up to. So I don't worry too much what most people think of me. I find it hard with groups of girls who tend to... Shriek. When they are anxious. For reassurance. I find it hard on the ears and I find it hard not to physically cringe away.
I find it hard the indirect communication that people have where one person says something to another person but the comment is directed to me. I mean, that can be used to good effect. But it can be not so good. I don't know sometimes whether they are intending to communicate with me or are just... Reacting. Without thinking. Most people really don't think, I need to remember. Or think by way of speaking so not really thinking first.
It can feel nice to hang with people who you can be comfortable around and not feel like you have to put on an act to make them happy or whatever. Just be yourself and be comfortable being yourself.
I haven't felt that in a long time. I guess that's why I don't spend much time with people, anymore.
I am sad I didn't meet people... More people... Like me. In some sense. Over the course of my life.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1106803
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20190715/msgs/1106805.html