Posted by Dr. Bob on February 15, 2013, at 14:37:18
In reply to Re: this feels unnatural » 10derheart, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2013, at 21:06:51
> In what settings do you plan to use this? When do you think it would be appropriate on Babble?
I'm thinking maybe it might be appropriate when posters don't want to feel alone, or don't want other posters to feel alone. Since if someone feels "joined", they won't feel alone.
> My kindergarten teacher wrote that Dinah only enjoys doing things she's good at doing. That never really changed. I gave up on my effort to learn Welsh. Being civil, according to the civility guidelines of this site, came naturally to me. Most of the rules made perfect sense to me
It's natural to enjoy doing things we're good at. Maybe some posters give up on being civil like you gave up on learning Welsh.
> > Dinah, do you feel joined by me?
>
> Ok, you lost me there. Could you perhaps rephrase? That not only felt uncomfortable but made me blush and feel *uncomfortable*. No offense Dr. Bob. How about "Do you feel understood by me" or "Do you feel like we're communicating as a team" or something. And until that phrase came up, I did. After, I wanted to tell you to please stay in your chair.I see it as more than you feeling I understand. It's also that you feel I share the feeling you expressed. That we share that feeling. That we both belong to the subgroup that has that feeling. That you're not alone in having that feeling.
I'm open to different ways to phrase that. How about: "Do you feel we're on the same page?"
> I will say that if my therapist were to openly acknowledge his use of technique, and perhaps his discomfort with it - as you did here - I would feel far less maddened by it. It *would* feel not only more cooperative, but also less artificial. Because there would be a real human communication on a different level than the technique.
>
> DinahExactly. I feel we're on the same page. That we share the feeling that this technique has potential. But that's a different page/subgroup than the feeling-this-is-unnatural page/subgroup.
--
> > Dinah, do you feel joined by me?
>
> Yes, when I read this I immediately burst out laughing, followed instantly by me shaking my head as I imagined how you (Dinah) would 'hear' that, which made me say, Eewwwwww...." out loud.
>
> For me, it's a combination of sounding like a physical thing which is unwanted/inappropriate, combined with the sense of being asked by the Borg if you realize you're part of their collective after they assimilated you.
>
> 10derheart> My sister!
>
> That was *precisely* the overtones it had for me! Some combination of cult groupspeak and TV double entendre. Waiting for Michael Scott to say "That's what she said".
>
> DinahThat's a great example of joining/feeling on the same page. Dinah didn't just feel 10der understood/communicated, she felt 10der had the same feeling she did.
The Borg is involved now to explain and demonstrate this technique. Would it feel more comfortable if the Borg stepped back?
> [trial run to see if any part of PB is safe for me]
>
> 10derheartWhat feeling do you think she's expressing? Do you share that feeling? Can you communicate that to her?
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:1037205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130101/msgs/1038150.html