Posted by vwoolf on October 14, 2010, at 9:33:09
In reply to no longer a pariah, posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2010, at 22:06:22
Your post really touched me - I felt very moved by it.
I'm glad that you have been able to get away from a place where you were considered an outcast and pariah. It must have been terrible to live there. I can only begin to imagine how awful.
It sounds as if you are beginning to think that maybe you are worth something after all, in spite of what happened in that small town, but it also sounds as if you're not quite sure.
Perhaps that's why it feels so strange - that you still feel like the same person, but people are reacting differently to you now. It sounds as if you like the new treatment, but that you don't quite believe it's real. That if they only knew... But I'm sure that they are reacting to something real in you, something that has always been there perhaps, or perhaps something that has changed. It sounds like you really need to nurture it carefully.
I've always felt like a fake, that if only people knew what was really going on inside me, they would call me mad and would ostracise me. So I've always kept up a very good facade, and hardly anyone knows about my time in hospital or my madness.
Only recently have I started 'coming out' to select people. Most of them have handled it well, but a few can't deal with it. My ex-husband was one.
I hope that things keep going well for you, and that it time you will feel confident enough as a person to be able to tell close friends about the awful things you have been through.
poster:vwoolf
thread:965599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100907/msgs/965708.html