Posted by Dinah on July 22, 2009, at 23:30:07
In reply to Sabotaging myself, posted by Deneb on July 22, 2009, at 21:35:29
> I think I am lazier than most people. It also takes a lot of discipline.
> What do I want? I think I just want to live a relatively stress free life. I guess with higher status jobs comes more responsibility. I think I'd be OK with a job that lets me save some money, but I wish I could be the type of person who could handle large amounts of stress and responsibility.
Deneb, I think you know yourself. What's wrong with not wanting a large amount of stress and responsibility? Some people thrive on it, others don't. Someone in my high school once got really annoyed with me for my lack of ambition. He wanted to go to med school and didn't think he'd get the grades. I got the grades, but I had less than no desire for stress or responsibility. My husband and I both chose not to go to graduate school, because it just wasn't what we wanted in life. I suspect our son will also choose lack of stress and low responsibility - whatever that may look like to him. And as long as he can make a living in the style to which he wishes to become accustomed, why not?
Most people, as they look back on their life, think about their relationships. The people they loved, the good they did. You're looking at it from the other end of the telescope, where education is the focus of your life. I know, it was mine too.
> You have to be successful in life for most people to give a darn about you.
People don't give a darn about anyone just because they are well educated or rich. Well, salespeople maybe. But for the people that matter, that is just not the defining factor. It's a good idea to decide to do something that will earn you enough to live a reasonably good life, according to your own definitions of what that means. And if you enjoy the challenge of academic life, or a career in science, that's great. Money and education may bring status, but they don't bring caring. What usually causes people to give a darn about you is to give a darn about people. I remember the lunchroom attendant at my elementary school who remembered my milk preferences and greeted me personally with a smile with far more caring than I remember some of my teachers. I certainly gave more of a darn about her than them.
There are different kinds of success and different kinds of caring. They aren't mutually exclusive. People can be rich and successful and caring and kind and thoughtful. But every person needs to decide what "success" means to them. I hope that you grow to define it in terms of what really matters in life.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't get your degree and go on to do whatever it is you want to do in life. I just hope that if you do, it's because it's what you want for yourself. Not what you think you're expected to do or because you think you need to do it to be special or cared about.
At the risk of sounding religious, you are a child of God. Or if you wish to put it secularly, you are a person who is born with immense worth. You are special right now. People give a darn about you right now. It's wonderful to fulfill your potential. But it is *your* potential. Not a cookie cutter template that you must conform to to be worthwhile.
poster:Dinah
thread:908010
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090714/msgs/908099.html