Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2009, at 15:55:51
In reply to Re: I can't stop crying, posted by Deneb on June 1, 2009, at 15:21:58
Well, the good thing is that if you can feel yourself getting out of control, you also have the detachment you need to help yourself stay in control.
Ok, I can see why he's upset. But this stuff happens. It's embarrassing, and you might want to be more careful in the future, but it's not the end of the world. You didn't even find him enormously attractive.
I think the real issue here is that you started dating like crazy to please your mother. And maybe to take a bit of revenge on her at the same time?
Deep breaths now. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing for you to realize that you aren't really doing it for yourself. And you weren't really doing it for that guy or because you wanted a long term relationship with him. He wants someone who does want *him* for who he is. That's understandable. And it isn't a tragedy for you. You want to find someone younger who has more in common with you. You two weren't meant to be together and it's upsetting and embarrassing but it'll pass.
Now, what do you really want for Deneb, not Deneb's mom? Do you enjoy this dating service? Do you want to go on this many dates?
Your mom has had her chance at life and making her own choices. Now it's your turn. Look at your mom and your dad together. Is that what you want for yourself? If not, why would you let your mother guide your choices?
Now. Practicality for a minute. Distress feeds on itself and propels you out of control. Do you have any meds for when you get out of control upset? I take a Risperdal myself, since Klonopin makes me more sleepy than calm. If you don't have anything prescribed for you to take safely, and your pdoc isn't available, is there anything else that helps you feel calm? Meditation? A repetitive computer game? Talking to friends?
If you feel yourself slipping past your ability to control yourself, please go to the emergency room.
You'll get past this Deneb.
poster:Dinah
thread:898803
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090513/msgs/898815.html