Posted by Zana on April 21, 2009, at 16:04:23
This is my first post to "social." I've mostly been on regular ole Psycho-Babble. But I thought it might be a good idea to branch out a little, not focus so much on medication issues which obssess me. So... I'm depressed, have been for a long time. Eighteen months ago it became clear that my husband was going to lose his 4th job in 9 years and my "regular" depression burst into a debilitating, agitated depression. I didn't feel at all like myself for about a year, a little more. I wept all the time. Wanted to die. Fantasied about ways to kill myself. I know, not a very upbeat post.
I changed therapist. Am seeing someone I saw in graduate school 25 years ago (I can't believe it was so long ago.) He really helped me then when no one else had been able to. So that gives me some hope tho I was not so depressed then.
I am a psychologist and had a private practice for over 20 years. I haven't worked in the last 5 years because of my depression. I just haven't been able to get myself together to do the ground up things that need to be done.
So I have all my time to myself and am bored to out of my mind. And feel useless, purposeless. But it seems that I am not yet stable or strong enough to take on a job, even a volunteer position tho I know if I could it would help me a lot.
My husband did lose his job and has been out of work for about 6 months. He's doing his best but so far nothing. A few leads right now, firms that have expressed interest in interviewing him. Nothing solid. We may lose our home, a big old house that my husband and I live in half of and my parents live in the other half of. They are in their mid-80s and determined to die in their home. As you can imagine it is a complicated situation. Great in some ways; difficult in others. I can't even really think about what I'd do if we lost the house. And I know I need to think about things like when to put it on the market, where we would go.... I just can't get my head around it and like everything else you put off or ignore, it just makes it worse.
I started a new med about 3 weeks ago. This is med number 3000 I think. I felt great for the first couple of weeks, able to go out, drive around. I felt like myself. The last couple of days- it seems to be wearing off. I am very scared that it is wearing off, which a lot of med have done, and that I will be back where I was, a depressed heap.
So that's my story. I'm going to pay more attention to Social and see what's happening over here.
Thanks for listening.Zana
poster:Zana
thread:891962
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090421/msgs/891962.html