Posted by SLS on February 7, 2009, at 11:10:05
In reply to Re: Suicidal, posted by Cass on February 6, 2009, at 22:55:25
> Luckily, no little girl will find me. I don't have children. In fact, my dog won't even find me because she'll be at my friend's house this weekend. I honestly wouldn't even want my dog to endure the trauma of seeing or hearing anything like that. As for being on meds, I know antidepressants can make things worse. That's why I haven't gone on one. They've made me feel really bad in the past. If I do it, it's not the meds, it's just that I've been here long enough.
If I say anything that is hurtful to you, please disregard it. I just don't know what to say - but I want to say something if it will help you want to live for even one more day.
I really have nothing that I can possibly add to the empathy and compassion that others have offered to you. Your pain and anguish are unique, and yours alone. No one else has lived through - is living through - the exact circumstances that you are now. You are entitled to think and feel suicidally. Who wouldn't? I must say, however, that an individual losing their spouse is not unique. It happens every day. Many people do get through it - especially the ones who are fortunate enough to seek professional help. I suspect that, for right now, you really might not feel that you want to get through it. But your human desire to live is still strong. You wouldn't be posting here looking for reasons to continue living if you had no drive to survive your overwhelming loss.
You could investigate the possibility that you might actually want to try to carry on. You can seek bereavement counseling. Their might be bereavement groups locally. They would be free, and you would be with others who are in similar circumstances. Again, everyone has their unique pain and circumstance. But to be able to share it with others and recieve unconditional support as well as helpful feedback can make things much less heavy and overwhelming.
If you have financial resources or insurance, you could find someone to proceed with one-on-one counseling. A local cinic might provide a sliding-scale or a charity care program if you are short on funds. It would be the most valuable gem that you could ever investment in - YOU!
I feel like writing and writing and writing. Babbling. Your internal and external environments are going to be very difficult for you to navigate alone. We are here, so you won't have to.
I often make things sound too easy and too optomistic. I invite you to yell at me, call me names, curse at me, or anything else that will help me to understand you.
Even though I don't know you, I am sitting here praying that you will choose to live another day.
Take care of yourself.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:878610
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090116/msgs/878715.html