Posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 16:34:04
In reply to Re: Feeling pretty bad...... » Kath, posted by Partlycloudy on September 30, 2008, at 14:38:57
Thanks both of you.
I have been using my light box for at least a couple of weeks now. It even has a "dawn" setting, so that it comes on very gradually & then gives a very gentle clicking alarm (I set it for 1/2 hour after the 'dawn' starts) & at that point it comes on 100%. It could be my imagination, but I think it even helps if my eyes are closed.
The energy work helped a little today.
I think feeling so badly was partly SAD & partly depression & BIGTIME the result of having our son living here since early June. And THAT burden is lifted!
He got a place today!!!!!! We went & saw the nicest lady (32 with a 7 year old; renting rooms to help her be able to keep her house after a divorce). She was showing a bedroom upstairs, with the use of the house. But then she told us she was renovating her basement into an apartment to rent 2 rooms out. She said she'd show us even though it's not finished yet. Even though she had people who she'd arranged to show it to once it was finished, it ended up with my son arranging to rent one of the rooms when it's finished in about a week!! We even gave her cheques for first & last month! And when he moves in, she'll have him sign a 1 year rental agreement. (THAT is great news for me, as it means he has stability & I don't need to worry about him getting kicked out.) There are the 2 rooms that she'll rent out, 1 room that will be her office, a kitchen & a living room. It has a separate entrance from hers also.I know that I was EXTREMELY upset about having our son still here with little chance of being able to rent a room in our town. It's mostly apartments here.
I feel sort of unbalanced lol - like I've been leaning against a wall to keep it from falling & someone moved the wall all of a sudden & all this extreme 'bracing' that I've been doing isn't necessary & I am reeling. It feels like it is good & should be good, but actually feels quite disconcerting & unpleasant. I think I was really at the end of my coping. I'd often think "I just can't cope with this any longer." It was that I was afraid he wouldn't be able to find anything & would keep staying here. If he didn't smoke it wouldn't be as bad (even though he smokes outside it still bothers us).
BUT 'he' is my addiction. Worrying about him, etc - so having him living in the same house is the very very very worst scenario for me. The stress of it is huge...having him here; being over-vigilant in being aware of his life, his moods/emotions etc. Too too hard to keep my own sense of 'self'.
Anyway, part of me is afraid to let my guard down & feel O.K.
sigh. But I am exceedingly thankful!
sigh. Kath
PS - I think now the thoughts of 'I don't want to be here' should ease up.
poster:Kath
thread:854928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080929/msgs/854961.html