Posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 4:22:00
Just as I thought I was begining to come to terms with Slinky`s death,I am now feeling so low that I wonder as to why I`m still alive.
I`ve been hurt so many times in my life,from childhood to now,it just seems to me that that is all life is about.
I want to move on,I want to find love again,I want to be loved again,I hate this lonelyness.
Often its not the one you love that hurts you,its others around you and them,perhaps its others that get joy out of screwing your brain.
I`ve got up to day feeling crap,my brain is totaly screwed,my body is full of the shakes,I`m in physical pain,my eyes are full of tears,I know that before the day is finished I gonna break down. My psychologist is on holiday,my GP is on hoilday,there are others I can see,but unless they read all of the notes about me,I feel I just have to go through it all again with someone else.
I`ve had 2 failed marriages and 4 relationships,when I see my friends who are celebrating there 24 anniverary next month,and others who have been together for years it hurts me, when I 1st got married,I thought it was for life,but no,my hopes and dreams have been shattered,the same with the next ,and the next,until I met Slinky,she told she loved me,she told me she was in love with me,but because of the hurt she had suffered all her life from her evil mother she took her life.
So what is the purpose of life,I have mentioned in someones thread before "exhistance",I did a thread about "PMA",but now I`m begining to doubt myself,it seems to me that there is one common denominator in all this and thats me.
I went into the chatroom last night,but because of the time difference me being in front,there was no one there so I started chatting with my self, switching colours to identify each one,and what has really got to me is that one half of me keeps telling the other that I want to die in my sleep,just go to bed and never wake up again.Yet the other half wants to live ,and be happy,I don`t want to hurt others by dying,I don`t want to die.
What is the purpose of life,I am so confused ?
poster:daveuk08
thread:846096
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080721/msgs/846096.html