Posted by chicklet on August 4, 2008, at 17:37:41
In reply to Being a sperm donor, posted by Quintal on August 4, 2008, at 14:56:06
Hmmm, Quintal. That's a lot to think about, and I lot of pressure on you! I guess I would wonder how close of a friend she is. What concerns me is what you said about her not wanting you to have "control of their lives". If you're not absolutely ok with that, then I think this might not be the best idea. Do you live in close proximity? I don't know if you have any other kids from a prior relationship, but from what i hear, so much changes once you actually *meet* "your" baby. Your feelings might change- you might want to see them more...it could be messy. Unless there is a *real* plan for how the baby would be brought up, I'd be scared to do it. If I were a woman asking that of a friend I would be absolutely certain that all of that is ironed out before I went ahead with it. Otherwise, if I weren't willing to honor your requests re: seeing the kids, I would not ask you. It's just not respecting you. So i guess I'm less concerned with the logistics (which I know some things about too) than with the emotional aspect of it all. If she feels like she really wants to do this (regardless of what we think about only being 28 and being pessimistic...it's hard to change the mind of a woman that wants a baby)-
>>>Her friends suggested she try a one night stand with a random man if all else fails, but she thought of me instead.
Well I guess it means she'd like the baby to have your awesome genes which is nice! But again, i think it's gonna be hard to make a plan. It's kinda like she wants *you* to be anonymous. I'm being as clear as muddy watta. I know.
How close are the two of you?
Not close enough that you'd ever actually have sex?
>>>>Which raises the question of whether either of us is actually fertile. I've volunteered to buy one of those twin male/female home fertility testing kits.Does that test sperm count and all that? You'd get a better idea to get it done in a lab. Yeah, talk to my husband about how embarrassing that is! :O
>>>> She says she couldn't bear it if she were to get a negative result right now, so I will have to take the first step alone.
I don't like that mindset, ya know? I'm sorry if I'm sounding judgmental...well maybe I'm *being* judgmental. If she wants to do this, then she needs to find out and take some action. If finding out that she has a fertility problem is too much for her to handle, then that's not really a good way to start this whole thing. (and there's no reason to suspect that she even does...)You should not be expected to be "taking the first step alone"...I just don't think that's fair. She's the one that wants your troups, she needs to have a plan and make this easy (er?) for you.
>>> I have a feeling my sperm quality might be rather low, and that would be dissapointing for both of us.
Why do you think that? You don't have to answer...
>>>>I don't think either of us could stand the humiliation if we had to repeat the process every month for years.
Wellll, I think it's wise to start out knowing what you're dealing with. Health wise, I mean.
Can you tell I've been through infertility? :D
I'm your chick if you have any fertility questions at all...I'm just worried about the whole custody/emotional side of things...If you'd find it hard to live with to know that you have a son or daughter, and don't have the kind of contact with them that you would desire, I think that's a biggie. Plus you won't be married so there's all that legal stuff.
>>>> Then there's the matter of custody. She's afraid I might try and win custody of them.
Do you think she trusts you??
>>>She isn't very good at resisting authroity, so I think this might be something that leads her to back out at last minute.
Idk, Quintal- sounds like maybe she needs to get her thoughts together and have a good solid plan. If she doesn't, then I don't know how well you would fare.
>>>>suppose I'm very confused with my feelings over this now that it's out in the open and actually happening.
Yeah, I'd say confusion is normal!
Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
This is a real toughie
~Karen
poster:chicklet
thread:844133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080721/msgs/844168.html