Posted by Kath on February 22, 2008, at 16:38:47
In reply to Re: Feeling anxious, posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2008, at 11:42:23
Thank you all for your words of support & words of wisdom.
You know, the main thing right now is that for the last 3 days he's slept all day & on Wed when I saw him late afternoon, he was really 'out-of-it'. I strongly think that he is taking too much Risperidone. He had been on 5mg during his hospital stay in BC but went down to 4 mg & has been on 4 mg for over a year now. During his last 'voices' episode, his pdoc upped it to 5 mg. Now that everything is under control again, I think that 5 mg is too much for him. I've written his mental health worker about this (they like the family to give this type of input) & hopefully he'll see her Monday. It's not like him to seem so 'drugged'. This is very reminiscent of when he first came back from BC when he was still adjusting to meds etc. Also, he's not perceiving it as out-of-it. He says he's tired. But he's sure seeming more than tired.
ANYway, I feel sad because it's due to the sleeping all day that he's lost his job. I hardly imagine they'd take him back.
If he had screwed up due to partying etc, it would be easier for me to just think "Well, it's his choice. And it's his life." and to not feel so sad about it.
I hate it that he has mental illness. And I'm angry, as I believe his drug use contributed greatly to it. Although when we discussed it a week or so ago, he told me about a time when he was about 13 or so when he was at the mall. It was before he was doing weed. He said that as he was walking through the mall, he was able to hear what everyone else was saying as they walked along having conversations. He's been diagnosed with schizophrenia, so maybe he would have had it anyway. But having used drugs certainly can't have helped the situation!
Anyway, yes, I'll start reading my Melody Beattie again Tina, and Clear Skies, I'll try to find that lady's work in the library.
CS, as to:
>He's going to do what he's going to do - because he's already doing it. To wish it was something else, or to worry about it because it seems unsafe or unwise, is what's causing you anxiety. It's only when we trust that the other people are doing what they are meant to do - simply because they are doing it - that we can begin to feel >some peace inside.I'll try to look at it that way. I think I'm feeling scared also. Seeing him like this is REALLY like looking at someone who is mentally ill & that's scarey.
Thanks again for everyone's support.
I actually LET myself feel the sadness & have a cry. I HATE feel uncomfortable feelings. I'm glad I start my group therapy on Monday. I'll certainly have something to say (as the doctor said is important) "This is happening in my life & I'd like to deal with it....."
Sometimes I feel really weary of having to carry on in this life. Sometimes I just don't want to (& that's very different from thinking of doing something to NOT continue - that's not what I mean). I wish I didn't feel pain about what other people are going through. I wish I were meaner! Or just didn't care.
Sorry. I feel like I'm really whining like heck!
~sigh~
thanks for being such nice people.
Kath
poster:Kath
thread:814062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080215/msgs/814126.html