Posted by ClearSkies on February 19, 2008, at 8:00:32
In reply to Re: Racism *trigger, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:18
Deneb, it's never easy to know how to respond when confronted with racism. Because of the area of the US in which I live, I witness it on an almost daily basis, and it upsets me to no end. That a country could have gone through such forward strides in mandating equality amongst the races less than half a century ago, yet still have so very far to go, is disheartening to say the least.
I know that it's not my purpose in life to change any one person's ideas about racism. I think that it's a futile idea that I might have any kind of influence on another's perception of the human race. Instead, I take the approach that I will be the change I want to see. Rather than try to change the minds of those around me, I try to live in a way that doesn't promote racism.
If someone I'm speaking with makes derogatory remarks, I tell them that I'm uncomfortable with that kind of language, and ask them to stop using it around me. If they continue, then I tell them that I'll have to leave the room. I've had to use this approach in a work setting several times since I moved here, and it very quickly had the desired effect - people stopped talking like that around me. Or if they didn't, I just walked out of the room. It sends the message that what they are saying is offensive.
I realize that this is much different when you're talking about relationships with our parents - but the same approach can still work. You aren't going to change you're mom's mind about the subject; she has to make up her own mind, through her own personal experiences. It doesn't mean that you don't go and form the friendships that you want to, either. It means that you establish a healthy boundary with her about what appropriate to say around you - and when she says things that aren't appropriate, then it's OK for you to say, "This isn't something I'm comfortable hearing." - and you walk away.
It's very hard when you face this within your own family. I've experienced this as well, and stood my ground. The technique works.
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:813539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080215/msgs/813559.html