Posted by Kath on December 16, 2007, at 18:10:06
In reply to mild bipolar?, posted by Ruka on December 16, 2007, at 6:54:43
> Hi, I've been dx'd with alot of things. mild bipolar, post traumatic stress disorder. The symptom that troubles me the most is the moving close/then distancing I see in myself with people. I try really hard to establish relationships, but if a person's behavior gets psycho I react so extremely with fear and start detaching and validating my reasons.
*******If a person's behaviour gets 'psycho' - distancing sounds like a good idea!! How extreme of behaviour are you talking here?****
Two people in particular have really hurt me. Is it my over emotional state that keeps me running away? Does anyone else experience that??? I can never decide if it was good because I set a boundary or if it is something else I'm dealing with.
********I think these are tricky questions. If someone really hurts you, then it's good self-care to say "enough!!!" & decide to leave the relationship. Some folks might say 'try to talk it out' etc, but sometimes their behaviour is such that a part of us KNOWS that it's major enough to indicate they are NOT safe or desirable friends for us.
I think it's extremely important to set healthy boundaries....boundaries that are what WE need (I'm not talking at ALL about how the other person feels about the boundary or what they think of it!!!) We deserve to take care of ourselves. We deserve to be treated kindly & with respect. I've found that sometimes when I put a healthy-for-me boundary in place, other people will say things like "I was only kidding; no need to be upset!" or "Jeez, you're overly sensitive!" By doing that, they're actually invalidating YOU. They're not HEARING that you're saying you're not okay with the behaviour.******
I'll give up everything and just leave. Any ideas? I'm taking medication. I can't seem to get this right in my head.
******I ended a several-year friendship & walked away. I miss my friend, & have been tempted to contact her, but when I actually stop & give it some thought, I realize that she was a selfish person...lots of fun & nice, but too often she'd try to push me to do things SHE wanted, or act in selfish ways etc. I just decided that I had had enough. I'm glad you found this site. Lots of nice people here.
PS - are you having any therapy or counselling? If you get a good therapist, they can probably help you through figuring out some of this stuff, but feel free to discuss it here. I don't 'check in' every day, but I'd be glad to discuss it further if you want.
hugs, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:801104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20071130/msgs/801166.html