Posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 12:15:45
In reply to Re: In a Hole, can't seem to get out...., posted by SometimesBlue on August 23, 2007, at 11:31:13
> Here's the thing...i dont want help, i dont want to go outside myself to get help...i wanna be able to help myself, to have control over myself, to be able to control me, my emotions, my addictions, my everything (sounds like a sad country song..lol). But at the end of everyday, when i get home from work, i lose myself. So all i end up doing is hating myself, because it's me doing this to me. When am i going to see clear skies all day long...it's always dark where i am.
Yes, yes!! My therapist and I talk about this a lot :-) That whole control thing. That the problem is that so much of what we go through is simply beyond our control, and it just kills us not to be able to do anything about it. (That's why I get so upset about my step daughter and what she does or doesn't do; about my drinking and why I couldn't control even that when I was actively trying to do so.) It's crazy-making stuff.
It sounds so glib to tell someone to just "give it up" or "give in and let go" or whatever the heck those annoying sayings are. They are so annoying because it's NOT so simple, at least not for me. That's when I have to break my days down into more manageable bits, into hours to get through.I don't know what I'm saying any more. Except that to try to control what we cannot is the craziest-making thing of all we can do. And we just can't win at it.
Have you noticed that there is an echo in here, under our rock?
cs
poster:ClearSkies
thread:777997
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070803/msgs/778056.html