Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2007, at 9:47:42
In reply to Probably not going, posted by Deneb on March 10, 2007, at 19:43:20
That's not really fair of your mother, I don't think. A gift is a gift, and most parents gift their children their education and living. Sure, it keeps you from doing some of the the things you could do if you were childless. But if you make the decision to have a child, there are tradeoffs. It's not fair to make the child feel responsible for those, especially under these circumstances.
I was a child who probably didn't carve out boundaries with my parents near early enough, and from that vantage point, I'd advise that you start drawing the line between you and her as soon as possible. Sometimes parents have a hard time separating what they want for an adult child, and what the adult child has to decide for themselves.
But, there's also the fact that you live with her and your father, and rely on them for your food and board. Which puts you in a bit of a dilemma, since it probably wouldn't make for good living conditions to completely disregard your parents wishes.
Is there something in between? You aren't responsible for taking your mother to China, or for making up for anything she didn't get because she had you and your sister instead. But maybe you could enlist your father's support, or approach the topic again with your mother and talk to her about it. I went out of town alone several times while I was still living at home, and while my parents weren't enthusiastic about the idea, I did manage to get grudging acceptance by convincing them of the things I'd do to be safe, and whatever other concerns they had.
By the way, if you were my daughter, I'd be delighted that you had worked and saved and had the money available for this trip.
poster:Dinah
thread:739095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070305/msgs/740365.html