Posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 19:08:52
In reply to Re: uhhh....)) lets try again... » one woman cine, posted by ClearSkies on January 30, 2007, at 14:55:56
> > I realize honesty is not necessarily important in bob's world, civility is - but honesty and civility are a two way street.I agree. But even when someone else is not civil or not honest, we still have to be in order to stay within site guidelines. And there is also the notify administrators form for use when appropriate.
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> I think it's a challenge for us to figure out a way to discuss these sensitive issues while conforming to the civility guidelines. I do, however, think it's entirely possible to be both honest and civil.
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> CSI think CS is exactly right. It's a challenge, but not impossible. I think in many cases it's possible to be honest as long as one expresses that from their own perspective. It's when we structure our words in such a way as what we feel or believe or think is the object or in some way is expressed as a result of someone else's actions or words that we cross the civility line.
No one can argue with me if I say I'm angry about X. They could certainly try, but only I know what my internal state is. If anyone takes offense at my internal state, well, they are certainly crossing some boundary, eh? So even if I'm expressing a negative reaction or feeling, as long as I own it and don't make it secondary to someone else, it's pretty much going to be okay. Note, this doesn't mean you can say "I feel" in front of an opinion or thought, etc. if that opinion or thought could lead others to feel accused or put down. For example, I can't say, "I feel X is a moron." That's not a feeling, and it's not civil.
Along those lines, saying "I feel X is mocking me" won't fly. What you're really feeling is something else. Mocked? Angry? Hurt? Embarrassed? Those are the feelings to be expressed, not a reflection of what the other person is doing. Not everyone will want to express those feelings, which is fine.
But anyway, some advice, lengthy--sorry, for talking about difficult issues while remaining civil.
I guess the simplest I can get about this is to suggest this: Ask yourself before submitting your post how you would react if you read it and it was about you. Could you feel accused or hurt, etc.?
Anywhoo, I think this is an important topic, I agree with Glydin about the importance of boundaries, and I hope that some of this was helpful to someone.
namaste
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:728027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070130/msgs/728215.html