Posted by Bob on January 19, 2007, at 13:24:46
I am experiencing increasing social problems and isolation from my mental illness, and do not know where it's all leading (although I can imagine). One of the biggest problems is the people around me expecting me to be able to fulfull obligations and engage is social activities. It is getting harder and harder to go out, to the point where sometimes going to dinner and a movie is a challenge. I can still do that, luckily. The biggest problem is taking trips. My girlfriend went to Cambodia (visiting family) last year, and was very unhappy that I didn't go. Now she wants to go to FL next month (to visit my parents), go on a cruise in April (she wins trips all the time from her job), and then go to Italy in July (for my old friends wedding).
It is very unlikely that I will be able to go on any of these trips, and she says she understands, but when the time comes, she claims that I don't WANT to go, and that I'm not being fair. It hurts immeasurably to hear that, as I desire so intensely to have a good, full life. People don't seem to see the physical problems I have, and think I'm just stubborn and unwilling. Every day is a trial, and it is just as difficult physically as it is mentally many times.
My father said that for this past Christmas, he didn't want me to give him a gift per se, but to come down to FL, where he now spends the winter, and play some rounds of golf with him. He honestly (and disappointingly) is under the misconception that I am healthy enought to spend 4 hours out on a golf course.
Nobody in my life seems to realize that, not only can I not do these things, but I'm the last person in the world who wants to be this way. Suggestions are made like; well why can't you just make a sacrifice for me once? Thing is, what happens after I make that sacrifice (which I don't know if I can do) and it is forgotten a week later? Then the next sacrifice is looming. I can't live like that. Actually, I took a 3 day beach trip in the summer with my gf, and she was very happy, but it was very, very difficult for me.
Ultimately, I guess the writing is on the wall. It seems this is one of the things that eventually makes life not worth living when you have a disease like this - you increasingly cannot participate in life, and those around start to drift away. I honestly see not solution after 15+ years of medecines, and ECT treatment. What's more, the true nature of severe depression and the disablility that can stem from it are almost whole beyond the comprehension of healthy people - even those close to you.
poster:Bob
thread:724058
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070112/msgs/724058.html