Posted by SandyWeb on December 2, 2006, at 2:53:01
In reply to I Feel Like Dying.........., posted by SandyWeb on November 30, 2006, at 1:47:38
But don't you ever feel, NO MATTER WHAT, that you simply won't make it? That your future is already mapped out, which for me includes a razor blade? That there's no way of gettng away from it? It follows you everywhere. It doesn't matter who you're chatting with or who you are spending time with....the thought is always present...that this is just a short time in your life. And one day you will see the same scene over again...because it wasn't completed the first time.
I am not suicidal NOW....but the thoughts never end. I have to see my kids through school first...a few short years....a few LONG years of loneliness and grief where my heart feels it will simply break....and I have nothing left to give. And the scene (THAT scene from a few years ago) continues to its purposed ending. But better this time...the kids are grown.
And my family....so many of my family....are already in Heaven....and it will be wondeful to have a life with them where my brain is healed and I am myself....and not some slowly dying crack.
No....I have no plans for now. No....I am not actively suicidal. I still have my kids. But I can't stop the thoughts. I just want to close my eyes.
You feel that way? Just wondering? That your future has already been played out.....you're just waiting for the conclusion of the play?
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:708880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061123/msgs/709600.html