Posted by LJRen on October 28, 2006, at 0:24:55
In reply to Re: New with an interesting question » LJRen, posted by madeline on October 27, 2006, at 16:52:38
Thank you, Maddie. Your input is appreciated.
> Perhaps someone, maybe even your mother made you to feel insignificant and unworthy and that is a lesson you learned all too well. But it is untrue. You are a human being, with value and merit simply because you exist.
You are right about that. But learning the latter of your statement after having the former so deeply ingrained is a very difficult task to say the least. Especially when various people (those close & not so close) continue to treat you as though you don't matter. With ingrained belief comes unbeknownst self destructive behavior which in turn attracts the poor treatment from others. But if one is not aware specifically what behavior is self destructive, then one can't do anything to change for the better.
> We all get angry, bitter at the way our lives seem to have betrayed us, but it is at this time that you must trust the most that all can be well and very likely will.
>I will continue to try. But as more & more time passes w/o change the harder & harder it gets to have hope that anything will be well. It's only been a dozen years since I was officially diagnosed but I can honestly say I've never been a happy person, even as a kid.
I've been dealt an undesirable hand in life. I'm just having a very difficult time figuring out why I survived a near death car accident at the age of 17 if what I've experience afterwards is predominately painful. Life is hard enough as it is. I shouldn't have to go through it feeling emotionally like crap all the time.
I do have a little restored faith in possible drug therapy now that I've learned I actually haven't tried everything out there like my previous pdoc said I had. So, I'll see in 3-4 months where I'm at.
Ren
poster:LJRen
thread:697835
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061018/msgs/698356.html