Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2006, at 5:55:10
In reply to searching for birthmother =Frustration!!, posted by Amandafran on October 7, 2006, at 20:44:06
>I am needing to find my birth records and to find out any medical info regarding the health of my birth mother because it would help me to be able to know why and where a lot of my issues and illnesses have come from.
That might be worth mentioning to the doctor who delivered you.
> My parents that adopted me want nothing to do with any of this.
Have they told you why they feel that way? Maybe they know something about the circumstances that you don't...
> I had an amended birth certificate which means that when I was born my parents that adopted me put my name on the certificate and left off other info regarding my birthparents
Oh. I didn't know it was possible to do that...
> but it is very frustrating because he is only giving me little bits of info.
Maybe there is a reason for that...
> It is so hard to go through life knowing that you have another family out in the world and knowing that you may never be able to find anything out. I told my therapist that I hope I never die before meeting my family. I cannot imagine going through my entire life NEVER meeting my family...this is so depressing for me. I wish I was never adopted.
Um.
I have one... Or two, I guess... Adopted brothers. I guess one of them is my half brother because he was adopted into my Mothers first marriage. The other is my full brother, I guess, because although he was adopted into my Mothers first marriage she married my father when he was 7 and so they unofficially changed his last name to my fathers... My family is complicated.
My brother was determined to find out who his birth parents were. Especially since my Mother was abusive and stuff. He thought there might be a family out there who wanted him and appreciated him. My brother had kidney failure. One kidney failed and he was on a special diet. He was a very rare blood type...He flew down... Was going to call her up... Decided not to at the last minute.
My brother died a few years back now. Tragic (unrelated to kidney) etc etc. His wife... Was determined to so see his birth mother to tell her what a wonderful son she gave birth to. My brother really was a wonderfully kind and sweet and handsome and smart individual. A thoroughly nice guy. She went to see her...
The lady didn't want to see her... She asked her to go away. My sister in law kind of forced her way in (dealing with the grief of being a widow)... Thrusting the photo album at her... Telling her what a wonderful son she gave birth to. She had been raped at 14. She never told her future husband. He found out at that point. It was a thoroughly horrible situation all around.
I'm sorry. That is very much 'worst case'... But it might just be the case that there are reasons for your parents and for the doctor to be reticent. Your birth Mother might have made it clear that she never wanted to know. Your birth mother might be in an institution, she might not even be alive. She could possibly have died giving birth. Most people give up their kids because they hope that they will have a better life with people who are desperate to adopt. Sometimes that works out... Sometimes it doesn't. I'm sorry.
One way of doing it would be to write a letter to your birth mother saying that you would be interested in meeting her. Give it to the doctor who delivered you and ask him if he can forward it on, if possible. Maybe include a photo even. That way if she is out there... The ball is in her court but she knows that you would desperately like to meet her.
I'm assuming the doctor knows or can track her down.
I don't know how realistic that assumption is...
But it might be worth a shot.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:692850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061005/msgs/693266.html