Posted by gardenergirl on September 20, 2006, at 9:30:55
In reply to Re: SOMEBUTTIES HELPED ME, BUTT **trigger** » gardenergirl, posted by corafree on September 19, 2006, at 11:50:07
> In some respect, think the worry about this one of my two daughters, and my only son, is irrational, because w/ my borderline sort of thinking, I tend to let him continue exposing them to this evil because I'm worried about where they will live, sort of like I let him continue to hurt me because I was worried about the consequences of leaving him.I forget, are your children adults? If they are, well...of course you want them to be well, and of course you want them to be safe. But they are responsible for their lives and choices now if they are adults. If they are minor children, you could consult with family services to see what options there are.
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> But, it's 'the right thing to do', isn't it? (To answer this question, think of me as a child looking up at you, maybe a child who loves a person that is doing a bad thing.)If only that were a simple question. I think what the "right thing to do" depends so much on the specific situation and context, and what's best for you and for all involved. I'm not qualified, personally or professionally, to answer that for you. I'm sorry. I can tell you're looking for reassurance and help in figuring out what to do.
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> Is my allowing him to continue this behavior teaching my children to enable criminal activity.I think that's an interesting question, but I have one pick about your words. You're not "allowing him" to do anything. He does what he does, and nobody has control over his actions but himself. What you have control over is your actions and behavior. I think you can assert that his behavior is wrong under different value systems, i.e. legal, personal, moral, etc. if you believe so. And you can communicate this to your children. Setting and communicating appropriate boundaries and limits on behavior is a gift that parents give to their children to help them learn. So I think it's possible to communicate that his behavior is unacceptable to you even though you cannot control his behavior.
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> Am I onto something here? Respond if you don't agree pls.I think that it's good that you think about all of this, the effect it's had on your life, and what you want to do going forward. I also think that it's something that you need some IRL support about, because it's a pretty big deal.
Always here to listen...
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:687037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060911/msgs/687647.html