Posted by pseudoname on July 31, 2006, at 16:54:04
In reply to Re: badhaircut is pseudoname [redirected] » pseudoname, posted by AuntieMel on July 31, 2006, at 14:41:15
I hardly ever showed anything personal as badhaircut. I just commented on topics like psychoanalysis and clincial theory and posted notices of radio shows.
Badhaircut was a true alter-ego, an "Ernest in town". He was a way-more together and confident front than I was. By pretending to be smart & rational, I could sorta be (okay, feel) that way — as badhaircut.
But *I* am not that way. BHC felt indistinguishable from an SOB, inside. I was quite surprised at the Babble dinner in Toronto when one longtime Babbler said she had vague but positive connotations of badhaircut and had noticed his absence.
As badhaircut I never really shared my own problems, because it would shatter the facade I hoped I had and show what a clueless, unaccomplished nuisance I really am. There are people on Babble who go after the weaknesses of others. The presumptuous, assertive loudmouths: you know the sorts I mean. If I as badhaircut admitted being hog-tied by such ridiculous problems as I actually am hog-tied by, those vivisectionists could stomp all over me.
And so could anyone else! (But the loudmouths enjoy it.) If I actually disclosed my problems, anonymity would be no protection for me.
So when I needed meds advice last fall, I signed on as "pseudoname". As 10derheart noticed, the name was sort of an inside joke. I thought it would only be temporary, and then I'd go back to my competent veneer.
A Babble friend said today that I seem "not prone to put up with more than a certain amount of bulls*** / whatever" from others on the site. I think I am unconsciously trying to make the place lout-free. (This does not apply to my recent "barrage" on the Psych board where I went crazy and posted like a jackass; the only lout in that situation was me.)
But there is no way to make Babble truly lout-free. And even if the site were all nonjudgmental charmers who never bite, I would still feel ruined if I posted about my whole-self; even if I did it under *another* pseudonym. People are ultimately impatient and intolerant; everyone gets to the point where they snap at you.
And no, this doesn't count as self-disclosure. ;-) I don't know why not.
poster:pseudoname
thread:672292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/672364.html