Posted by llrrrpp on July 28, 2006, at 16:41:24
Been feeling great for 14 days in a row now. I guess it's inevitable to have a slump now and then.
I'm on my trip to Vancouver. Feeling pretty lonely. Don't even want to give the people I know a ring. Just want to stay in my hotel room. all alone, and standing at the edge of the room, propped against the floor to ceiling glass looking down from a high distance. thinking. well. it wouldn't work anyway. windows don't open.
Didn't eat much today. Went to a few lectures, (boring). called my husband, but didn't really feel like talking much. chatted with a buddy. I just feel like isolating myself today, but there's work to be done, and nowhere good to isolate, when you're sharing a room with someone else from work. yuck.
It's overcast today. I got 7.5 hours sleep, but I feel sleepy. I lay down, but I cannot nap. I just feel mopey. I need to eat, but I'm not hungry. Not looking forward to anything anymore.
How can it just *hit* me just like this? In the past, there's been some event, like a trigger or a stressor that's prompted a depressive relapse. Could it just be fatigue? Loneliness? Jet Lag? Pacific air? boredom? Why can't I experience "loneliness" as LONELINESS? why do I have to experience any negative mood as DEPRESSION.
I think I need to go on a walk. buy a slurpee. can you believe I've never had a slurpee before? sure, Ive had icees and stuff, but never the slurpee from 7-11. thinking that ths might be a good opportunity. now I just have to summon the willpower to detach from babble. what do you think?
well. I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling rotten. all wrong. like nobody cares. like an extra on the set of "life". replaceable. and even worse, becuase I know it's my fault for not getting my @ss out of this hotel all day long.
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:671486
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/671486.html