Posted by 10derHeart on April 7, 2006, at 21:39:08
In reply to We'll have a fun time whatever happens, posted by Deneb on April 6, 2006, at 15:30:26
I agree, we will :-)
And you know, there are altenatives to hugs.
Handshakes can be nice. They are perhaps easier to "read" - if the other person feels like doing that or not, I mean - as you can just see if they extend their hand when you meet them. A little less intimate and awkward, not so up close and personal as a hug. Allowing more distance, yet still human contact that says, "I'm reaching out to you, " as the person is - literally. Of course, Dr. Bob may not be a hand shaker, anyway. But it's probably more likely than a hugger of Babblers, for the reasons special k has spelled out so well, and just being as it's such a social norm for most.
Even a nice smile in person, and a friendly, "Good to meet you, Deneb," (with or without a handshake) can be surprisingly satisfying. Smiles, as well as a warm tone of voice, can be quite comfy, and very nice to recall afterwards.
I'll admit I'm thinking a lot about past and present therapists when I write this. No, Dr. Bob is no Babbler's therapist (that we know of...;-)) yet as posts have discussed before, there are similarites in the ways some may think of him and how he is important in a way unique from others in posters' lives. So, if an opportunity comes for kind words, a smile or two, and maybe a handshake, those seemingly commonplace social gestures can turn out quite better than you'd expect.
For example, I can still remember my ex-T's smile and how his voice sounded speaking my name, just to call me from the waiting room or something, and I haven't seem him for nearly two years. With my T. now, as I'm leaving, he will shake my hand when I initiate that, and often pats me on the back or squeezes my shoulder, etc. (Hugging is not in the picture right now. It may or may not ever be for several reasons (none of them bad) but that topic is for the psych boards, so...)
I have a great dentist, who is very warm and friendly, yet appropriately reserved and professional at the same time. Contradiction? Not really. He's not my friend, he's not my therapist, yet we've know each other a while now, and well, dentistry is rather intimate, in it's own way. (Just like Babbling about the personal stuff as we do, is very intimate in its own way...) He just has a way of looking you in the eye, greeting you very politely and kindly, and giving a firm, warm handshake. Come to think of it, it's civility. It's this good balance of treating me as an individual with feelings, yet there's no uncomfortable over-familiarity and he knows just where to stop so we both feel good about the interaction.
My point is, hugging is not *the* only possible gesture that can happen when we meet each other and Dr. Bob in Toronto. Heck, certain looks and simple statements of respect and validation can be better than a (potentially) brief and uncertain hug, and the cool part is, they can turn into fond memories. Any time I choose, I can remember my T's reassuring voice and/or handshake. It's very helpful, and doesn't push against new boundary areas for him as it's all in my thoughts....
Stay open to the experience, Deneb. There are many possibilities to connect with the other Babblers and Dr. Bob. Which IMO, when you strip away everything else, is all you really want to do.
"For you, connection is *huge*" ....my T. likes to say.
poster:10derHeart
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060406/msgs/630369.html