Posted by TexasChic on December 5, 2005, at 20:09:54
In reply to Re: :-( I've been sick (whine) » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on December 2, 2005, at 22:04:31
Friday night was complete drunken lunacy. It was kind of crazy, but pretty d@mn fun. I spent the whole night laughing. Before I could drive home I had to stop somewhere and eat and wait around a while. I don't usually drink that much and drive. I'm terrified of getting a DWI (my sister got one). Anyway, all went well, but nothing progressed with cute boy (although we laughed together a lot). I know I've gone back and forth about him, but I really think maybe its time to let it go. Its been so hard because I work with him and he apparently does want to be friends. But if he wanted more, he would have shown it by now. I realized it when he talked for 30 minutes or more today to the new, gorgeous, 21 year old girl in our department at her desk. I was like, you know, it just goes to show he could be doing more to progress the relationship if he really wanted to. Plus I was jealous and cried a little and realized the whole thing was kind of ridiculous on my part. I can't figure out the best way to go about getting over him. I always think I should just avoid him, not look at him or talk to him, but that always backfires on me. It's like I'm being negative and it makes me depressed. Plus, no matter what I tell myself, I know I'm secretly hoping he will have some kind of reaction. Gr-r-r-r!
I know what I need to do is get out and actually meet guys somewhere other than work. There's so many things I would like to begin in order to make my life better, but for some reason I just don't do it. I think I must be procrastinating because of fear of change or something. Let's see, there's the yoga tapes I bought a year ago and have never watched (and I LOVE yoga!), cleaning my apartment (I really do want to live in a pleasant environment), going for walks and/or getting a bicycle to exercise in the nice area I now live in (where I lived before was way too ghetto to walk around in). My pdoc wants me to start therapy again, I guess that would be a step in the right direction. I'm trying, its just so easy to lay around and dream up the perfect life, without actually living it. I'm 35 years old! I'm kind of freaking out about the fact that I'm that old and don't have a real life yet! I want a relationship, sex, something to do other than watch tv! I guess I've got to suck it up and do what needs to be done. I'll never get those things sitting alone in my apartment. I'm in a weird mood tonight. I need to change something, and soon. Thanks for listening.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:584293
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051203/msgs/585894.html