Posted by Maynerd on November 3, 2005, at 0:52:19
I don't know why I keep doing it, but I do. Once again I foolishly think that this person is different, they won't treat me like all the rest. Things always start so darn nice, lots of fun and conversations about a myriad of topics, adventures together, and so on. You feel safe telling me your problems, knowing that I always seem to understand and will listen without being judgmental; you never seem to be a stranger when you are emotionally down.
Then it happens, Maynerd goes into one of his manic or depressed episodes. You ask what is wrong, so I tell you the truth; "I am bipolar". Slowly but surely you do the same as everyone else, you gradually and circuitously quit coming around me; I am eventually no longer your friend. Sadly funny how it is one thing to pour your troubles freely on me, yet you are unwilling to be around me EVEN though I have never burdened you with my own.
I know I get strange during those periods of my life, and I am doing all that I can to hopefully make them less strange and more bearable for me. However, that is not a reasonable excuse to treat badly someone you called your friend. You did though, leaving me to once again pick up the pieces of my self esteem out of the mud and try to once again rebuild myself. Do I hate you? No, even though a big part of me really wants to. I feel sorry for you, sorry that you have to live such a pathetic excuse of a life that you must run away from anyone or thing that might make you have to face your own inner emotions. Yes, that's right, I called you a coward, accept the truth. You, like most Americans, seem to spend your whole life trying to avoid facing, acknowledging, or trying to understand your own messed up emotions.
Let me tell you this, just because I am bipolar does NOT imply that I am a lesser person, crazy, or any of the other derogatory labels you and others have used; nor does it imply that the way you treat me doesn't hurt like heck. What it does mean is that I am a person that feels, hurts, loves, and even cries just like you. What is the difference between us? I have to take medication to stabilize my thoughts and moods, and I am not afraid to face my moods and emotions.
So, good by 'friend', it was fun while it lasted. If it makes you feel any better you were able to make me good and depressed for a short while, but now my meds are starting to kick in.
poster:Maynerd
thread:574785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/574785.html