Posted by Susan47 on November 2, 2005, at 20:12:16
In reply to Re: What's the matter with me? » Susan47, posted by alesta on November 2, 2005, at 12:40:10
Yes, getting it off your chest, so to speak (which seems to be making my own physical chest expand.. now think about it. Think about that. Because if your body is a reflection of your mind, as I believe it really is, then think about what this sudden growth in my chest area signifies, getting something off my mind, unburdening myself and.. expanding. Everything, I'm a little chubby checker now, it's hilarious and I love it) ...
Getting It Off My Chest Is the KEY to regaining my sanity. I think. Because whenever I vent what I truly know to be the truth, not as this guy might see it, because if he's truly a schmuck then yes, he'll be denying everything, and do you know what it is, Amy? What it is, is this. I have to be at the place where that doesn't bother me anymore. Where his reality, no matter how deluded, isn't interfering with mine. And as long as his reality is deluded, we will always clash. Which is what we were doing. BIG TIME. And this "professional" either (a) didn't know it was happening, or (b) didn't trust me with the truth. And to regain my sanity, Ally, I have to understand that his version of what's true, whether in line with mine or not, doesn't make my own truth any different.
It takes two people to communicate, Ally.
I suppose I can't fault a therapist for being unwilling and unable to effectively communicate. Nor can I fault all his myriad little excuses.
Not at all. But I do know that no matter which way the wind blows, he's been a disappointment, as a human being, to me. And that's okay. Because I know that he has his own life to live, one that has it's own challenges, rewards and disappointments. Maybe I was a great disappointment to him too.
And that just has to be okay as well.
Now to go out and live that. Now, to find more courage.
This has been a time when I've needed amounts of courage I never knew I had. But maybe I'll be a better person.
poster:Susan47
thread:574267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/574680.html