Posted by Thomasin on August 7, 2005, at 12:58:36
So, okay, I hardly ever post on these things because I'm pathologically shy ( not however, socially phobic) and I'm quite certain no one is even marginally interested in anyhting I have to say. But I find I have this "stuff" I need to at least check out with other shall we say, quirky people because the "sane" people I know look at me blankly when I try to talk about this and I can see their thoughts which are something along the lines of"...but she's such a bright, warm, funny person why can't she just blah,blah,blah..."
So, the thing is, I'm forty, I have a useless BA(liberal arts w/ an emphasis in history)as well as much experience as a Veterinary Technician (which I dearly love to do)and yet I cannot seem to get or keep a job in my chosen field. I seem to be destined to earn less than ten dollars an hour in a retail job I don't particularly like.
I get fired frequently, I don't get raises, I never seem to advance in any company or clinic I work at. I will think I'm doing a good job and suddenly I'm fired again. Or, even before I get the job, I'll have what seems like a great interveiw and not get the job. Or, my most recent and favorite experience, I get the job and 4 days later am told I am too timid and nervous and "not a good fit" at their clinic. And I'm dumped.
So, I usually don't share about the OCD,ADD, depression/anxiety with management and such, I'll mention I'm shy because it's hard not to notice when I get squirelly(y'know, short of breath,shakey,jumpy,etc)but, I'm not that bad in any of those areas. My meds have everything pretty much under control.The question then is do I put out some kind of chemically imbalanced pheromone? Do I go into fugue states and make completely business destroying mistakes at work? Am I just so "other" that bosses are so uncomfortable around me they have to fire me? Do I stink? What?
Am I way more unaware of myself than I ever imagined and am I somehow sabotaging myself?(I really spend probably an inordinate time figuring out myself so I'm doubtful)Does anyone else experience this inability to be "successful" by real world standards? Does anyone else have this huge dicotomy between who they are in their private vs. public worlds? And this has been an issue my whole life. No ammount of therapy,drugs, behavior modification, etc. seems to change the fact that people veiw me as someone not capable or less capable as others in a work situation.`
Any insight or complaining would be welcome...
poster:Thomasin
thread:538689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050805/msgs/538689.html