Posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 23:42:33
In reply to Re: Coming to terms with being different, posted by Meri-Tuuli on July 23, 2005, at 10:43:45
> I think of all the things I could have done if only I weren't ill - people at univerisity who I was just as clever as are now doing all these great things with their lives like PhDs, masters and have professional jobs, getting married etc. Meanwhile I struggle merely to exist with daily life and have an admin job that I am overqualified to do.
This really sucks. I hate having a BPD, there isn't even a way to treat it. I'm really starting to think that this will be the end of me, not today or tomorrow, but soon. I hate this. My life is ruined. My wishes for a meaningful career may as well be over and done with. I'm never going to make it. People will never understand me and I will always end up ruining things or embarrassing the heck out of myself by going insane over tiny little things that don't make sense to people.
There is nothing for me...all is hopeless. Meds do not work because there isn't anything wrong with me. DBT is the only real treatment and there is no guarantee that it would work. I also cannot even get access to anything like that. So, I guess this is it. Just gotta wait for death now I suppose.
> I get very frustrated - why me? Why do I have to be m******y ill?
Yes indeed...why me? My disorder isn't even a "real" mental illness...just my luck to be stuck with something so utterly hopeless.
> I'm begining to doubt that I will ever get properly better.
Me too, and worst yet, for me there is no "better" to get to...this is who I am. I just hope to have some fun times before I die. I knew this would happen again. I know I will be happy as can be and then the next thing people know, I will be dead.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:531946
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/532504.html