Posted by Spriggy on May 29, 2005, at 11:21:58
I don't have a clue where this post should be, so I'll just stick it here.
I think I just witnessed one of the saddest experiences of life.
I heard this week that a mother in our community had committed suicide. She has two sons' that are almost identical in age to my two sons'.
I don't know why but hearing this story really hit me hard in my heart. I know her oldest son (he is 11) goes to school with my oldest son. Since my son is in special ed, he has no contact with this boy, but I still felt the need to be there for those kids'.
They were/are a "poor" family. I don't say that in an ugly way, but they come from a lower class family. It was always apparent from just looking at the boy at school that he didn't have much (old clothes, shoes, holes in pants, etc..).
The funeral represented where they were financially. It was in a small building, it was 93 degrees outside and there was no air conditioning inside the room. I literally felt like I would faint several times it was so hot.
Anyway, they didn't have a pastor/priest or anyone leading the service. It was her father who stood up and thanked people and said, " Let's just share stories."
People across that little room stood up and told stories of this woman that I had never knew. I found myself crying almost harder than her family at times. My heart was just broken.
I don't know "why" this woman/mother/daughter/wife took her own life but from everything the people said about her, she was a fun loving spirit.
People shared practical jokes she had pulled on them- I was inspired! ;)
I don't know, it was just a strange situation. I think God wanted me there.
There was a time in my life when things SO hopeless that ending my life was in the forefront of my thoughts. Each time I would "go there" I just thought of my boys' and that really was the only reason I never followed through.
But it wouldn't have been hard to do some days. I thank God He helped me press on becuase now that "darkness" has left me and I can honestly say I am happy again.
My heart breaks for that dear woman. I wonder what was in her mind when she decided there was no longer any hope left. I am sure it was mental torment like I myself have known.
I prayed so hard for her two boys'. They are so young, 11 and 7, and likely don't even grasp what has happend to their world just yet.
I don't know why I felt compelled share this.. Maybe because I know many of you know full well (like I do) what it means to long for death; just longing for peace for your mind, and an end to your pain.
But I wanted to encourage you all to press on, press through, hang on to hope that one day it really CAN get better.
Don't give up!
poster:Spriggy
thread:504682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/504682.html