Posted by Shy_Girl on May 7, 2005, at 22:17:18
In reply to Re: Do I belong in this world? » Shy_Girl, posted by henrietta on May 7, 2005, at 21:25:03
> I'm glad your sister is coming. Please tell her all the things you have been telling us, or, as Larry suggested, print out your posts and show them to her.
I can't talk to anyone in my family. No one in my family even knows that I dropped out of university this semester. I pretend to go to class...I ride the buses over and over again. There is nowhere to go, no one to talk to. I am very good at pretending there is nothing wrong. No one knows about all those times I could have killed myself.
> Of course you belong in this world. You just need some help right now, and I hope you will ask for it in real life.
No, you are wrong. I don't belong in this world. I've known it since I was a little kid. I've always been different...I lived in my mind, a fantasy place...filled with wonder and terror. There is nothing I can do to contribute to this world...it is survival of the fittest in this economy...in this society. I'm 23 and I don't have anything. I'm entirely dependent on my parents...I'm a parasite. I cannot experience love and as such I cannot receive it or give it. This is not the world for me.
There is no help for me. I'll already been locked up in the hospital before (and I wasn't even really attempting, ha)...it is not much fun. I cannot see how in the world it is helpful...it made me worst in the long run. Then I saw my pdoc every week, and yet here I am...worst than ever. It is up to me to change, no one outside of myself can help me. The trouble is, I don't know if I really can change. My life will always be as it is now. I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore.
Sorry I cannot accept your advice.
poster:Shy_Girl
thread:494526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/495036.html