Posted by Toph on May 3, 2005, at 17:36:16
This issue has undoubtedly been discussed here before, but it is always a decision that I struggle with. Being so open here is easy when I am among people who share my experience, and because anonymity always helps. But knowing who to trust with my illness is a tough call because the consequences of confiding in the wrong person are often severe. Here's my list:
-My family knows about my mental illness because they used to put me in the psych ward. We don't ever talk about it anymore, unless I bring it up.
-My first wife knew about it because she would visit me in the hopital. She divorced me, in part, because of it.
-My kids were small when they visited me in the hopital, but I'm sure my wife told them I was insane to justify to them thowing me out of the house. I have discussed my illness with them when they turned about 12 years old. They hadn't seen me decompensate since I started taking lithium.
-I told my second wife after a few dates because I was insanely in love with her and temporarily deranged. Thank God she didn't dump me.
Here's where the dilemma starts, who do you tell that you have a mental illness outside your family? Since I no longer (knock on wood) have psychotic manic or depressive episodes it is totally up to me if I want to share this significant aspect of my life with someone.
-I have told (excepting you guys, of course) only three people about my bipolar disease. All were women that I worked with closely for many years before confiding in them. They are excellent social workers whose work I admire and who care very much about me as a friend and colleague. After my disclosure neither of them seemed to change their opinion of me. And, as far I know, they have held this information in confidence. I suppose I was fortunate that I chose carefully.
Sometimes I wish that I could come out of the closet completely. I fear though that I would be discriminated against somehow, that people would formulate an opinion about me based on their preconceived notion of a mentally ill person. I feel frustrated in some ways that I have to hold a secret about myself that has in many ways shaped my personality. But I know how cruel people can be, so I am overly cautious about who I tell. I think when I retire or change jobs I will dramatically inform the 60 or so people with whom I work that I am bipolar. I would hope that in some way it would instruct them that competent mentally ill people can unknowingly be in their midst. Then again, some may say, "I always knew that guy was nuts."
Toph
poster:Toph
thread:493254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/493254.html