Posted by pinkeye on March 28, 2005, at 14:47:31
In reply to Re: tis been awhile » Dinah, posted by Susan47 on March 27, 2005, at 12:50:14
>>I suspect the reason I want to have an "affair" is so that I won't be completely known ... I may never be the type of woman who can completely be with a man .. so those infrequent passionate nights, the stolen moments, the knowing/not knowing one another, are very very attractive to me ... and I am sorry if you felt threatened by my attitude.
Susan,
I used to think like this too - that all these not full availability and secrecy and not knowing was very attractive - but slowly I am realizing that availability and stability is what is attractive and beautiful. I wouldn't want to sleep with a man who wouldn't be available fully for me.. I used to think I would be ok with it before - but now, I am not interested in partial flings any more. I really want someone who is as interested in me as I am in him and who is fully availble to me. But I think it is a progress that I made with therapy.. as my self respect and esteem increased, my desire for all these half-way-flings decreased a lot. I agree there is lot of thrill in it, but there is lot more thrill in really knowing a person inside and out and knowing that he will be there for you no matter what, and in falling in love and staying with that person. And many times I used to equate pain and longing and suffering with beauty before. Now I equate beauty with happiness and fulfillment and stability and peace. That was a huge step for me. Now I think all this pain and longing and everything is very ugly and that makes me move away from it as fast as I can. It is only construction that is beautiful - destruction is momentary and can be done any time. No effort is required for that.
poster:pinkeye
thread:475746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/476780.html