Posted by sunny10 on March 23, 2005, at 9:59:15
In reply to Am I wrong?????????????, posted by woolav on March 23, 2005, at 9:18:57
In what way did your husband hurt you?
In what way is this male friend "nice"? Easy to talk to, just like a girlfriend, or does he fulfill a need for you (make you feel smart, attractive, lovable, etc)?You cannot possibly know whether or not you are "wrong" to foster a friendship (male or female) unless you dig into the "why" of your friendship.
You don't have to have sex with someone else to "cheat on your relationship". I have cheated on past relationships just by sharing bad feelings that I was harboring against my boyfriend with a female friend. I was untrue to my relationship because I did not discuss the things that were bothering me about the relationship with my boyfriend nor was I trying to improve what was wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the gender of your friends shouldn't matter- it's the nature of the friendship that matters. Your husband should be your best friend. If it feels like he is no longer your best friend, maybe you could talk to him about that. Maybe explain to him how he hurt you and that you understand that it may have been unintentional, but it will bother you until the subject is addressed.
It is completely natural that the "honeymoon period" is over. That you feel a little differently about each other. But it is my opinion that we should all "begin as we mean to go on". Honesty is the best policy.
I have to admit here that I have just done this with my significant other last week. I did it badly; I completely overwhelmed him and we were uneasy around each other for a couple of days. But then I started feeling better simply because I knew that I had given our relationship my best effort. I knew that what would be, would be. Maybe I chased him away forever by overwhelming him, I thought. But, then again, that was me being me. If he couldn't deal with my emotions, he wouldn't be the right one for me in the long run; I reasoned.
Suffice it to say that I was the one who started to relax about the big bruhaha. And, wouldn't you know it? When I started laughing and joking around with him, sharing my day (good or bad) with him at dinner, et cetera, he did, too. And now we are back to being easy with one another- we just understand each other a little better (trust me, when I started unloading, so did he- so I learned things about him that I didn't understand, too). True communication is never one way.
You may find that your husband is as confused as you are right now about the state of your relationship!!
Okay, enough of my long-winded opinion... You can take what you need from what I've said and toss the rest. No one is ever completely right... I can only offer MY experience; no one else's.
poster:sunny10
thread:474509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/474531.html