Posted by 64bowtie on January 25, 2005, at 12:16:24
In reply to My life has been a total waste., posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:06:07
[My life a total waste...» Angel Girl]
> It should belong to someone who could use it better than I have. So many wasted years . . .
>
> AG<<< What I used to feel ...till I learned the big-time deep lessons of acceptance and willingness. Then, like the proverbial groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, I poked my head out and started looking around. I found I had been on a quest for sanity, I felt I was finally sane. I realized I was right back where I had started from; I had never left! It was now my life and I suddenly knew what to do with it, since I had been cleverly crafting it all along anyway.
<<< What's different about this "sameness"? Sure, its now my life, but it always was....!!?! Answer: I no longer do and say those things that used to sabotage me, leaving me feeling bad. I talk about habits. Well, that was my most destructive habit!
<<< Why did I hold on so tightly for so long? It felt better doing what I knew and avoid doing what I didn't know. Clarity arrived when I saw the clear picture that what I don't know is almost (99.99999999999%) everything! Humility replaced arrogance. After that, I had internal permission to never go back. I could never again revisit my bad and destructive habits, no matter what I felt obligated to or what was expected of me!
<<< I had found freedom, but right where I had always been. My freedom is from obligation and expectation. I had found my freedom in spite of my twin-vicars of denial and indecision. (Note: vicars on a chess board are translated into the attorneys of today; our advocates.)
<<< Caveat: Expectations of self-realization can be wracked with vanity! My motto is, "To be vane and not know that I'm not aware of what I don't know, is a delicious definition of arrogance!" Its never felt good to be caught being arrogant!!!
So, is implicit arrogance any better? NOT!!!
Rod
PS: Implicit arrogance ([E]xempli [G]ratia): "My life should be better than it is!" ....and who says so? Not me!
poster:64bowtie
thread:447325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050123/msgs/447436.html