Posted by GeishaGirl on December 6, 2004, at 11:42:21
In reply to tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 16:14:49
Hi smokey,
I'm so sorry that you've been thrown into a new situation without proper training. I've heard of this way too often.
I also feel that your co-workers have no right to speak about someone when they are right in front of them, as if the person doesn't exist and have feelings. You said that, other than this, you have a good relationship with your co-workers. Have you tried having a non-threatening conversation with them? Do you think that they'd understand what you are saying from a philosophical standpoint? When I run into a situation where I don't want argue philosophical points with people because I feel they won't get it, sometimes (if I get along well with them) I'll talk more about how it makes me feel uncomfortable personally, rather than theoretically. That helps me sometimes.
If this feels too uncomfortable right now, is there a chance that you could somehow validate the woman's feelings regarding these issues while the others aren't around? I would be concerned, like you are too. I've had that happen to me as a recipient of services. It feels really traumatic to me.
Regarding the hugs and kisses, etc. Is this a problem with the other workers as well? I'm just asking because I kinda feel like a conversation with her may go differently if it were happening to others, as well. How does she learn and experience life? I feel learning a bit about this would make it easier for you both to on the same wavelength. I can understand your reluctance to file a report.
I am a sexual abuse survivor, so I can tell you how I'd like to be treated. I've had debilitating flashbacks/ reexperiencing, although not to the point of seizures. I always feel more comfortable when someone is going to touch me if they let me know what they are doing first and then ask me if it's okay for them to do that. And that the person stops doing what they are doing (even if for a little while) if I say that I'm uncomfortable or if the other person senses that I'm uncomfortable and not saying anything myself. I also like it if I feel uncomfortable with doing things a certain way, that other options that have the same end result are presented to me. It makes me feel like someone is really concerned about my feelings and I feel more comfortable around the person.
Personally, I wouldn't puts this to her in terms of her being a sexual abuse survivor. To me, this kinda thing goes in general for trauma survivors. And also, anyone else for that matter.
If something happens and she has seizures, please don't blame yourself. Sometimes, from my experience, just about anything can trigger a flashback. It may not even have anything to do with you or how you are when you are with her. When I am in that kind of delicate state, all that people can do for me is try their best to not make things worse for me. I really like when people ask me what my needs are or if things are okay with me (this is in general for me, not just for sexual abuse issues) and then respond to my needs. I will still have certain experiences, even if my friends were perfect.
I commend you for doing this work. It's hard and usually for crappy pay and sometimes not enough support. I believe you are right, though. This kind of support work is fufilling. I'm so glad that you care as much as you do. Hope all goes well for you and those you help care for.
Geisha Girl
poster:GeishaGirl
thread:424880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/425252.html