Posted by partlycloudy on September 19, 2004, at 9:40:30
This is our first storm-threat-free weekend in over a month. I had grandiose plans to do nothing, go nowhere, watch no tv, maybe cook if I felt like it, just revel in not being in battle-ready position.
My father in law is visiting. He's a lovely old guy with a big heart. Nothing seems to please him and he's either too cold, too warm, too hungry, too stuffed, well... you get it. I take it personally because I think I go out of my way to make guests comfortable.
When he has the TV blasting a football game I'm not the least bit interested in, and the stereo playing jazz I don't like, then sits in the good reading chair with a book and commences to fall asleep - well, I can't take it. I get in a very very bad mood. I want to go back in my closet and have a cocktail. I want to smoke myself silly and not be aware of my surroundings. I lose my temper and yell at silly things. I feel trapped in my home and want to escape with any chemical help I can find.
Our condo is being tented on Monday for termites, so today we have to double-bag any consumables in the house and we have to check into a hotel for 2 days. I can't even bag up food without getting into a frenzy. Everything makes me angry, I just want to run away and be by myself, but then I'd probably complain about being alone.
Why can't I just chill? Why do I get so angry at what I perceive to be these intrusions into what I'd hoped would be a restful, restorative weekend? Why am I so nasty to everyone? I can't chill out. It doesn't help to say to myself that it's just temporary discomfort, because I resent my time being stolen that I'll never get back.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I wish I was a nicer person, but she has fled the premises and left this sour crabapple instead.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:392569
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/392569.html