Posted by Scott in Vermont on August 27, 2004, at 14:49:38
In reply to Re: can't stop me from caring you knucklehead = ) » Scott in Vermont, posted by zenhussy on August 27, 2004, at 13:58:46
I've read all the responses. All of them. I wish I had the time to respond to them individually. It would take me a couple of hours, and I don't have that kind of time (I only do this at work, but if Dr Bob calls my ISP, that's going to change, and I'll get fired, and well, a lot of things will change after that) but anyway, I'm fragmented into many parts now. Some parts of me want to scream because I don't WANT anyone to care. STOP CARING, DAMN YOU! But other parts of me are so deeply moved that I have had an impact on other people, that my words have meant something to people... that's powerful. But then I turn the corner to guilt... gahhh... my old "friend" guilt... many emotions swim and churn. Fear is a major one right now. I forgot about the whole ISP contact thing. My ISP is my employer. If Dr Bob calls my employer, my timeline for "whatever" will become so accelerated that I won't have any idea what will happen, and really, my job is what has kept me afloat this long because I really like my job and my job provides me with an income that allows me to live around here. So hey, Dr Bob, if you're reading this, put the phone down, I'll be good. Really. I was kidding.
You know, this sucks. I've gone from fear to terror. I can't lose my job. I can't. I just got a child support order in the mail yesterday. If I get fired and I can't pay the order I'll lose my hunting licence and I'll lose my drivers licence and I'll have to move and I could get thrown in jail if I don't get a job soon enough and there's no way I'll get a job in Communications in Vermont making what I'm making right now because the only other games in town are Verizon and Adelphia, and I won't work for either one of them for ethical reasons. So I guess it's back to the saw mill. Hello $7 an hour and no benefits. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all. I had a lot of pride in my work when I was at the mill. But it's not a salary that provides a living wage when you're giving $1,000 a month to someone else.
This sucks. This really sucks. So ZH, when you said Dr Bob knows about what's going on here, what exactly did you mean by that anyway? Because if my ISP (re: my employer) is notified about my posts on Babble... shoot, if I was ever going to use an uncivil phrase here, this would be the moment.
I'm going to go have a cigarette.
- Scott (who's not very happy about having the power of decision taken out of my hands once again)
poster:Scott in Vermont
thread:382613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/383046.html