Posted by Scott in Vermont on August 27, 2004, at 12:28:31
I wasn't avoiding the board, I've been busy this morning. My apologies.
Damn it, this is what I hate about Babble. This is why I should have never come back here. I'm the monster on the movie screen, you're the terrified audience. B2 is the siren in distress. I hope B2 makes it. I really do. If there was anything I could do to help her make it, I would.
I won't make that same effort for myself. I'm sick of effort, and I'm sorry that so many people are freaking out over my absolute acquiescence to what I feel is an inevitable end of a long journey. Let's face it, not everyone makes it. Bipolar disorder has the highest suicide attempt rate going. Men have the highest success rate for completion vs. attempt. The odds were stacked against me from the beginning. Sure, some can say I'm just hiding behind empty numbers to justify a self-fulfilling desire. Perhaps. But my point is, the numbers are there, and they didn't get to be that way because we have flat feet.
I'm done. And I'm NOT going to do it myself. There's no smoking gun in my future. No empty bottle of pills, no warm tub of water and straight razors... I'm not going to make a single deliberate and overt action to bring about my own demise. I just may make it out of this by pure default. But I'm not making any promises to anyone about anything for any reason. I'm not taking my meds and I'm not going to to see anyone and I'm not going to take care anymore. Let whatever happens, happen.
But B2 needs help.
Isn't hypocrisy great?
poster:Scott in Vermont
thread:382984
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/382984.html