Posted by partlycloudy on June 23, 2004, at 12:04:00
In reply to tis the season - to get cranky! fa la la la la » NikkiT2, posted by octopusprime on June 23, 2004, at 11:08:34
Hmmmm.... I've lived in places where it rained year round, places with hot summers and cold snowy, icey winters, places where it's hot all the time.... and my paranoia moves right along with me. It's not restricted to Babble; I go to work every day, fully expecting to be fired (even though I get great reviews and people tell me I'm doing a great job); I don't have any friends IRL so I figure I must scare people away.
My paranoia, it seems, is all-compassing. Even though I can intellectually look at the facts and say, of course, no one thinks you're a moron. Of course you aren't getting fired today - but the anxiety persists. It does wax and wane, but perhaps it's due more to the lunar cycle than the weather??
ANYWAYS: as ever, all you Babblers band together to prop up my ever-fragile self esteem. I can post a list of 10 good things about myself like I did yesterday, and when I read it today, I think, How could I say that? I do have a life long history of indifferent parenting, no encouragement detectable except to say, "you better get an A next time, too,". An ex-husband who betrayed my trust, it turns out, for 18 years. So now I doubt my own judgement. I'm trying very hard to put myself together again. And there are also those days when I think that my troubles and worries are inconsequential and that everyone goes through self-doubt. Why do I get crippled by it? (That's a rhetorical question - haha)
poster:partlycloudy
thread:359354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/359431.html